


Connection

by Lokkanel



Series: Skam Weeks [5]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Cheating, Declarations Of Love, Falling In Love, Fluff, M/M, One Night Stands, One shot turned chaptered fic (ooops), Pining, Smut, and also some feelings because I'm a sap, with a bit of a plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:34:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25248517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokkanel/pseuds/Lokkanel
Summary: Even is flying back home to Oslo, Isak is moving to the States.They meet somewhere in between when their connecting flights are cancelled due to a storm.A one night stand fic written forSkam weeksThis was a one-shot that's become a multi chaptered fic so, you can either read the first chapter on its own, or embark on the whole journey :)
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Sonja (SKAM)
Series: Skam Weeks [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1719580
Comments: 129
Kudos: 377





	1. Chapter 1

Even let out a long, frustrated sigh when he heard the announcement of his flight cancellation. All flights were held until the next day due to a big storm coming that night.

He went to his airline desk and waited for more than two hours before he could finally book another flight back to Oslo and get a hotel room for the night.

Even knew he should have traveled back to Oslo a day later and take a direct flight. But Sonja insisted. Their wedding was in just a few days and even if she didn’t make too much of a fuss when he told her he had to leave for a couple of days to discuss distributing his latest film abroad, she insisted he came back as soon as possible, even if it meant taking two connecting flights and spending his entire day waiting in airports.

So there he was now, blocked between two flights by a freaking storm. Just what he needed…

*

After dropping his luggage in his hotel room and freshening up a bit, Even contemplated ordering room service since he was already getting a bit tired after waiting in lines for hours all day long. But then he decided to go down and have dinner at the hotel restaurant instead, the idea of eating alone in his bedroom watching TV seeming a bit depressing.

Of course, the restaurant was packed with all the people who, just like Even, were staying at the hotel because they couldn’t fly until the next day. Even sat at the bar and ordered a drink while he waited for a free table. 

Suddenly, he was startled by a man sitting down next to him while he was finishing a conversation in norwegian on the phone. He turned his head towards the man and felt his breathing hitch when his eyes landed on him. He had already seen him in the airport as he wandered in the duty free shops while waiting for boarding, and then also when they both waited in line at their respective airline desks, observing him at length as the man looked down at his phone, typing furiously. Even remembered finding his frowning face absolutely adorable and well… having a lot of other thoughts that kind of helped the time to pass a bit faster.

And it was perfectly fine, right? To look, to fantasise about a person that wasn’t the woman he was going to promise his love always and forever in just a few days. There was no harm in that. He never even cultivated the idea of being with someone else, man or woman, since he and Sonja finally settled down after years of their on and off rocky relationship.

This was completely harmless.

“Halla.” Even said when the man hung up his phone and slid it into his pocket.

He looked up at Even and gave him a beaming smile, the sight filling Even’s belly with butterflies for a moment.

“Oh, a fellow norwegian!” he exclaimed, “halla!”

Even cleared his throat nervously before asking, “Were you supposed to fly to Oslo too?”

“No, I left this morning actually… I’m going to the US.”

“Oh, cool. Holidays?”

“No um, I’m moving actually” he answered, then after a pause, “permanently.”

“Wow, that must be exciting!”

“Yeah, a bit terrifying too” he chuckled.

“I bet… I’m Even by the way.”

Even held out his hand, a shiver running along his arm when the man took it in his own. They locked eyes for a moment, a moment that was probably a bit too long for it to be completely appropriate before he answered, “I’m Isak.”

They talked for a while and when a waiter approached Even to tell him a table was available for him he hesitated for a moment before turning to Isak.

“Do you want to join me?” he asked and nervously added “that way you don’t have to continue waiting for a table…”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Isak smiled and Even thought he saw the slightest hint of a blush on his cheeks.

After they had settled at their table and ordered, Even felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He was hit by a sudden rush of panic when he saw Sonja’s face appearing on the screen, as if she had somehow found out has was having dinner with another man while she was waiting for him back home.

Except he wasn’t really _having dinner_ with _another man_. He was just sharing a table in a crowded restaurant with a fellow norwegian going through the same ordeal as he was. A handsome man with bright green eyes and the cutest lips he bit down when Even made him laugh earlier. But that was beside the point.

Even shook these ridiculous thoughts off and threw a sorry look at Isak when he finally took the call.

“Hey Son” he said and flinched at how fake his voice suddenly sounded.

_“Hey honey, how’s everything going?”_

“Fine, I have a room for the night and there were seats available for tomorrow’s flight so I’ll be back soon.”

_“Okay, that’s good! I’ll come pick you up at the airport, you’re gonna be so exhausted my poor baby.”_

“Yeah… thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

_“I can’t wait! Love you!”_

“I um…” Even glanced up quickly at Isak and cleared his throat awkwardly before adding, “love you too.”

“Sorry about that…” Even muttered as he put his phone away.

“It’s alright” Isak smiled, “girlfriend?”

“Yeah um… soon to be wife, in a few days actually. That’s why she’s a bit nervous about me coming home soon.”

“Wow, congratulation! You must be excited.”

“Yeah… A bit terrified too.” Even chuckled.

Isak smiled and held up his drink, “To exciting and terrifying life changes then.”

They clinked their glasses and took a sip, their eyes not leaving the others’ as they drank.

“How about you?” Even asked when they’d put down their drinks, “how come you’re moving to the other side of the ocean?”

“My boyfriend's american. He’s been living in Norway for years but lately he started to want to go back… We’d been talking about it for a while and I finally managed to find a job there. He left a couple of weeks ago to get us settled while I organized my big move and… here we are!”

“That’s nice…” Even answered a bit awkwardly.

They stayed silent for a moment and then, without even having to say it, decided to move the conversation away from the _exciting and terrifying life changes_ ahead, and away from their respective partners waiting for them.

*

“I like airports…” Even said looking pensively at the empty and windstep runways behind the restaurant’s window, “I like observing all the people coming and going, feeling completely anonymous in a sea of travelers… and imagining all kind of stories about them and where they’re going… Observing people and situations and making up stories is pretty much all I do” he laughed.

Isak hummed, watching Even intently with a soft smile on his lips, his head resting on his hand.

“I like airports too… I like thinking about the endless possibilities that they offer. Like, you could decide not to take the plane you booked and buy a ticket for another destination, there are so many choices you can make or… people you can meet”

Isak paused, glancing at Even with a small crooked smile.

“Sometimes I imagine that there are an infinity of parallel universes in which different versions of me make all those possible choices.”

“So… maybe there’s a universe parallel where you and I decided to leave everything behind and hop on a plane to Buenos Aires, or Bali, or Kathmandu?” Even asked.

In the few seconds it took for Isak to answer, Even felt like he couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t fine, this wasn’t harmless anymore. He had crossed a line, deliberately so and now he felt like there was no turning back from it.

“Yes, maybe…” Isak breathed out, then licked his bottom lip as his eyes bore into Even’s.

Even had to tear his eyes away from Isak when he felt his heart bolt in his chest. He looked around them and realized the restaurant was now almost empty, waiters going around the vast room to clear the tables. They didn’t even notice everybody leaving, too entranced in each other to pay attention to what was going on around them.

“Um… it’s getting pretty late…” Even trailed off.

“Yeah, you’re right, maybe we should…”

“Yeah…”

They both paid for their meal and left the restaurant walking side by side silently. 

They stopped by the elevator leading to the hotel rooms, their hands accidentally touching when they tried to press the up button at the same time, _like in a fucking sappy romantic comedy_ , Even thought.

He looked up at the small screen above the doors, the floor numbers going down and down slowly. Even was fidgeting on his spot, dreading to find himself with Isak in such a small closed space but even more at the thought that when he would reach his floor, they would have to part.

The elevator landed on the restaurant floor, empty.

They looked at each other for a second, then Even gestured to Isak to get in first. When Isak turned his back to step inside, Even stopped to take a deep breath.

And then he followed him.

*

The moment the elevator doors closed, Even felt the air in the small space fill with electricity.

When it began going up, the movement made Isak sway a little bit, his hand brushing against Even’s. But instead of pulling it back like he had just before when they called the elevator, he let it linger there, and began slowly running his fingers over Even's wrist, tracing the lines inside his palm with a soft touch of his fingertips. Even felt a quiver run along his arm, his heart was suddenly beating faster, almost uncontrollably. 

When he turned his head towards Isak, he saw him looking down at their joined hands, something like wonder in his eyes, a small, almost shy smile on his lips. Maybe it was the wine talking, or that burning, urging feeling that he felt growing inside of him but Even thought he’d never seen anything more endearing and beautiful in his entire life.

Even wanted to shake these thoughts out of his head, to convince himself that he shouldn’t even have them in the first place because he had a lovely fiancée who was waiting for him in Oslo and _she_ should be the one to inspire such feelings in Even. But he didn’t spent a lot of time on such qualms because at that moment, Isak looked back up at him, his bright green eyes gazing at him behind long lashes, and Even felt all willpower leave him.

He cupped Isak’s face with his hands and in a swift move, he backed him up until he was pressing Isak's body against the elevator wall, then paused just as their lips were almost touching, both men breathing each other's air. Even looked into Isak's eyes, wanting to be sure he wanted this just as much as himself. When Isak gave him a little nod, encouraging Even to continue while he lowered his gaze towards his lips, Even finally leaned down and pressed his lips against the pretty Cupid's bow he had been fantasising about all night.

The kiss was slow, almost timid for just a moment, both men becoming acquainted with the other's touch, the feeling of his skin, the pressure of his lips. But then with just a tilt of their heads, they deepened the kiss, lips parting, their breathing becoming quicker and heavier. Even traced the outline of Isak's chiseled lips with his tongue, Isak responding eagerly until both their tongues were swirling around each other.

The elevator kept going up and up. At any moment it could stop and open on someone who would see them, but they didn't care. All that mattered was not to waste a second of their ascension. They were running out of time, and the danger of being caught only added to the urgency of touching and tasting the other's skin before they would be deprived of that pleasure again.

When Isak leaned back to gasp for air, Even moved his lips lower, grazing Isak's neck with his teeth, then stopped when he seemed to reach a particularly sensitive spot. Isak slammed his head back into the wall when Even began gently sucking his skin, just hard enough to make Isak moan, his neck vibrating under his lips, but not to leave a lasting trace. Isak didn't protest, either he trusted Even not to leave any evidence of what they were doing, or he was already too far gone to care. Either way, it made Even want him even more.

When Isak pulled him even closer, Even knew the feeling was mutual, both men moaning when their hips were pressed together, both fully hard and desperate for more.

They were startle when the elevator suddenly stopped at Even's floor, the doors opening with a loud ping. Even took a small step back, immediately missing the sensation of Isak's body against his own, so he pressed their foreheads together, their nose and lips brushing together, both men panting against the others' skin.

“Stay with me tonight?” Even asked, leaning back to let his eyes bore into Isak’s.

There are a few life defining moments you know are going to change you, shape you the moment you experience them. Those moments you know there is no turning back from. Even had lived such moments, meeting Sonja and then one day watching her eyes fill with tears as he got down on one knee, hearing a doctor give him his diagnosis when he was a teenager, submitting one of his short films to a festival for the first time. Right there, in the small silent second where he waited for Isak's answer, even knew this was such a moment. He didn't understand why, it shouldn't matter. It didn't mean anything, it was just an impulse Even decided to let himself give in to before going back to his real life and beginning this new chapter of his life.

It shouldn't matter. 

“Okay” Isak said. His voices was barely above a whisper but there was no hesitation in it, not a trace of doubt.

“Okay.” Even repeated, placing a single, light kiss on Isak’s lips as if to seal a silent deal. _We both want this. This is happening, tonight and only tonight, then we will never see each other again._

They stepped out of the elevator and walked along the long corridors leading to Even’s room. They didn’t touch, didn’t even talk. Even if there was nobody else around them at that moment, as long as they were out in the open they didn’t give anything away about what was going to happen. In an unspoken understanding, they both waited until they would be hidden behind closed doors again.

Even struggled a bit to open the door to his room, his hands shaking, his entire body alert, extremely aware of Isak's presence behind him, even they weren't touching.

They finally stepped inside and as soon as the door was shut closed, they immediately crashed into each other again, their hands roaming everywhere against the others’ body after they got rid of their sweaters and tee-shirts, letting them fall at their feet. They resumed kissing ardently, Even pushing Isak against the wall, recreating their position in the elevator as if they were just picking up where they left off, only this time, their bare chest were pressed against each others, Even reveling in the sensation of Isak’s soft skin and firm muscles.

Even placed his hand on Isak's crotch, palming his erection through the fabric of his pants. It had been so long since he had been with a man and he knew he would never be again. He wanted more, to feel something he knew he would never experience again. Something he knew he shouldn't even be doing right now.

He wanted to feel a man again. And not just any man. This man.

When Isak let out a whimper under his touch, Even knew he was getting more and more desperate too. Isak suck Even full bottom lips into his mouth, releasing him only to beg, "Even… please Even."

Even slid his hands along the sides of Isak’s body, then quickly worked to unbuckle his belt and open his pants. He then shoved one of his hand in Isak's boxers, and wrapped it around his cock. Isak let out a gasp, breaking the kiss as he leaned his head back, his chest heaving up and down. Even moved his lips to Isak's jawline, then lower to the side of his neck, while beginning to stroke his cock, attentive to every single reaction it incited in Isak. Every shaky breath, every whimper as Even changes the pressure of his hold or gave a little twist of his wrist, the way Isak began rocking his hips to meet Even's rhythm.

“Even… oh fuck!” Isak moaned.

“Yes?” Even nibbled Isak’s earlobe, feeling goosebumps spreading on Isak’s skin. “What do you want?” he whispered before leaving kisses across Isak’s jaw until he met his mouth, immediately sliding his tongue between his lips to meet Isak’s.

Isak grabbed Even’s wrist firmly to stop the movement of his hand. Then he broke their kiss, his eyes still closed, panting for a moment until he could catch his breath. When he reopened his eyes, they were so dark with desire Even felt his cock twitch in his jeans that were beginning to get really uncomfortable.

“Fuck me.” Isak breathed out in a low raspy voice that sent shivers down Even’s spine.

Even didn’t think he had ever felt such a raw, desperate need to get closer to someone, to lose himself completely in them. He felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs, making him unable to speak. So he just nodded instead before Isak pulled him by the neck for another heated kiss.

They moved to the bed, stumbling as they tried to get rid of each other’s pants on their way. Isak’s chuckles echoed in the room above their moans and heavy breathing, making Even’s heart quicken even more.

They fell down on the bed, Even on top of Isak. He pinned his wrists above his head and took a moment just to drink in the sight of Isak lying under him, his lips, parted and shining, his skin all flushed and already covered with a thin shin of sweat. The thought that tonight, all of this was him to take made Even dizzy.

He leaned down to kiss Isak, his lips, his neck, his chest. He let his hand roam the sides of his body, his firm thighs as he moved to suck his nipples, Isak arching his back off the bed with a gasp. Even continued to spread kisses and licks down his abdomen until he reached his boxers. He finally pulled them off and had to pause for a moment just to take in the sight of Isak’s body languidly spread on the bed.

“You’re so fucking beautiful…” his murmured, his voice hoarse with want.

“Just come here” Isak sat up to pull him into a kiss but Even didn’t miss the way his words made Isak’s cheeks turn into an even darker shade of pink.

Isak suddenly got up to rummage through his scattered clothes on the floor.

“Here” he came back and threw a few condoms and small packets of lube on the bed.

“Always prepared?” Even smirked.

“Are you going to shame me for being responsible?” Isak teased him, pretending to be offended, “I don’t usually pick up random guys in airports if that’s what you’re implying.”

“You don’t?” Even asked raising an eyebrow.

“No, I don’t” suddenly Isak wasn’t joking anymore.

There was something so intense and earnest in his gaze, it made Even swallow hard before he pulled Isak back down on the bed and kissed him deeply while his hand felt around the sheets for the lube. Isak’s eyes followed his every move as he opened the packed and spilled some lube onto his long fingers before rubbing them together to warm up the liquid.

“You ready?” Even asked as he left languid kisses along his jawline and began to gently rub his fingers along his rim, slowly getting closer to the place he desperately desired to touch him. 

In the corner of his eye, he saw Isak nod his head vigorously while he rolled his hips to guide Even’s fingers where he wanted them too. Even slowly pushed a finger inside, moving it in and out in long strokes that made Isak whimper, his thighs shaking in pleasure.

“Oh god, that feels so good” Isak whined.

“More?” Even asked when he felt the muscles starting to relax around his finger.

“Yeah… oh fuck!”

Even inserted another finger, moving them a little faster, stretching Isak open for him while he continued to kiss him messily, whispering in Isak’s ear how good and tight he was.

“I’m ready” Isak panted.

“Yeah, you good?”

“Yes, I want you inside me _– aaah –_ right now”

Even kneeled back up between Isak’s legs and grabbed a condom, ripping the packet open before he pulled the condom over his cock and slicked himself up with more lube.

Once Even was ready, Isak pushed him down on the bed until he was lying on his back. He straddled his hips and leaned down to kiss him while grinding their cocks together slowly.

"I wanna ride you." Isak all but purred, biting Even's lips, "how'd you like that?"

"Yeah" Even breathed out, " _fuck_ , yes."

Isak lifted himself himself up and aligned his entrance with Even's cock then slowly sank down, his thighs shaking as he took Even deeper and deeper. He bottomed out with a gasp, shutting his eyes tightly as he began to slowly rock his hips, just getting used to Eve's length inside of him.

Even ran his hands alongs Isak's thighs, giving light, soothing touches as he resisted the urge to move. Splaying his hands across Even’s chest, Isak began to move his hips faster, his breathing becoming deeper, his tight muscles getting even more defined as he bounced up and down. Even let his hands slide up his thighs and around his ass, cupping his cheeks as he accompanied Isak’s movement while letting him control the rhythm. 

Isak let his head fall as he bit back a moan but it made Even even more desperate to hear him, to see Isak lose himself in pleasure and not hold anything back. Digging his fingers his Isaks hips, Even pulled him down harder, Isak crying out and shutting his eyes tightly as Even buried himself even deeper inside of him.

The sound awoke something in Even, some kind of primal, possessive instinct he didn’t understand, to make even a small part of Isak his and only his. He wanted Isak to remember this moment, these sensations, this overwhelming pleasure forever. He wanted him to still be able to feel his touch on his skin, to feel the sensation of having him inside his body the entire day after when he would be travelling to the other side of the ocean, when he would see his boyfriend waiting for him in the hall of the airport, when he would kiss him hello, and even when they would make love later. He wanted him to still remember it years from now in the middle of an ordinary day when he would let his mind wander for a moment.

Even suddenly grabbed Isak, one hand still on his hip the other on the nape of his neck, and rolled them over until he was lying on his back under him. Isak let out a surprised laugh at the sudden change of position, but it quickly died in his throat, immediately replaced by a whimper as Even sunk back into him, immediately setting a fast and rough pace.

Even began to feel intoxicated by Isak’s loud moans mixed with the sound of their hips slamming against each other resonating in the room filled by the musky scent of their sweat.

“Fuck Even, I’m close…” Isak whimpered.

Even grabbed Isak’s cock like he had earlier, collecting the precum that was leaking at the head, spreading it on Isak’s length as he began to jerk him off at the same rhythm he was fucking him, fast and hard. He angled his hips just right to make sure he hit Isak’s prostate on every thrust and watched his entire body beginning to shake uncontrollably as Isak reached his orgasm. He cried out, Even’s name mixed with a strings of profanities as he cum all over his chest and stomach.

As he reached his climax, Isak clenched around Even’s cock, making him also fall over the edge, his head buried in the crook of Isak’s neck as he felt shockwaves of pleasure run through his entire body.

After they were done, they didn’t move for a moment, their long sweaty bodies all tangled up in each other, exchanging long sloppy kisses as they tried to calm their breathing and the beating of their hearts. Then Even slowly pulled out and grabbed some tissues in the night stand to clean Isak and then himself up.

*

They were both lying down in the bed on their side, looking at each other in a comfortable silence when Even cupped Isak’s cheek and started gently stroking it with his thumb.

“You’re okay?” he asked softly.

They both knew it didn’t only mean _was it as good for you as it was for me?_ but also and maybe even more, _how are you feeling? are you really okay with what happened? do you regret it? do you think it was a mistake?_

“Yeah… you?”

“Me too.”

They smiled at each other, not needing to say more.

Isak curled up against Even’s chest and ran his hand through his hair softly before he tilted his head up to ask him for a kiss, a slow, tender kiss that made Even’s heart flutter uncontrollably.

They spent the rest of the night like that, their arms and legs entwined, kissing and caressing each other, mapping the other’s body with their hands, their lips, their eyes, as if they wanted to save every single detail in their memories.They didn’t talk again except for sweet nothings whispered in the silence of the night.

When the first rays of sunlight began to light up the room, Even reluctantly got out of the bed and put his boxers back on.

“I’m gonna take a quick shower” he said.

Before he could get too far, Isak rose to his knees and grabbed Even by the wrist, pulling him close, their chests pressed against each other before bringing their lips together for a deep, languid kiss. Even let his hands roam across Isak’s back, on his hips, his fingertips brushing against the small dimples at the base of his spine.

“I’ll be right back” he whispered against Isak’s lips.

A few minutes later, when Even got out of the shower and stepped back into the bedroom, the bed was empty, the ruffled sheets for only evidence that two bodies were still lying there just a few moments before. Even looked around and realized Isak’s clothes had disappear from were they were scattered on the floor earlier.

Even stood there, the room completely silent, no sign of Isak anywhere except… 

He walked over to the bed and picked a little piece of paper left on one of the pillows.

_Even,_

_in another universe, we’re hopping on a plane to Buenos Aires, or Bali, or Kathmandu…_

_But in this one I’m only taking the souvenir of this night with me._

_I hope you are so unbelievably happy, in this universe and all the others._

_Goodbye._

_Isak_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heiiii...  
> So this is the first time I write smut, like proper explicit smut and to say that I'm feeling really nervous right now is quite an understatement! But since this third Skam week is a smut special, I thought why not give it a try, I hope it was not too bad.
> 
> Thank you for reading !  
> And a special thanks to Ronnie without whom this story would have probably never left my google doc ;)
> 
> I’m on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) and [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/), come say hello !  
> Much Love  
> L.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... here we go again!  
> This is what happens when I write another Evak story where they don't end up together... I'm weak, I know. Also, thank you so much for your feedbacks on the oneshot (now turned chapter 1) I wrote for skam weeks, I was sooo scared to share it but you guys have been really nice and positive. I'm very grateful!
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this new part :)
> 
> PS: I checked so I know there are apparently no direct flights between New-York and Oslo but for the sake of this chapter, let's just pretend otherwise okay?

Even and Sonja were sitting next to each other on some uncomfortable seats, surrounded by the buzzing of the huge international terminal. Her gaze was lowered on a magazine but Even wasn't sure if she was really reading it or if she was pretending just to have an excuse to ignore him.

They still had almost an hour to wait before boarding their plane and every minute, spent in a heavy silence, passed excruciatingly slowly. They had stopped shouting at each other the moment they'd left their hotel room, not wanting to make a scene in front of the people working at the hotel desk, the cab driver or the other travelers checking-in for the flight and with whom they would have to spend the eight hours it would take them to fly back to Oslo. Even thought that he would be relieved to finally get a truce after days (or to be perfectly honest, probably weeks) of arguing all the time, reaching a high point that morning as they were packing and getting ready to leave.

But it was almost worse, this silence. It created a weird tension between them, a growing resentment that hung over their heads like the sword of Damocles, ready to fall as soon as they would reach the intimacy of their home.

"I'm gonna get something to drink, do you need anything?" Even asked as he rose up from his seat.

"I'm fine." Sonja answered curtly, not even casting him a glance, her eyes still on her magazine.

Even nodded, even if he knew she couldn't see him but there was no point in trying to communicate with her at that moment anyway. So he just grabbed his wallet in his backpack and walked away, looking for a place where he could have some coffee but most of all, where he could be alone for a little while. He just needed a moment to relax, to stop feeling like everything he could say or do would cause another argument, more screaming and crying… just a moment when he wouldn’t see the sadness, the disappointment and incomprehension in his wife's gaze whenever she looked at him.

Even sat down and winced when he took a first sip of the bitter overpriced coffee he’d just bought. He then tried to ease his mind by observing the people around him having a drink or something to eat before their flight, and those coming and going across the terminal. He tried to do what he always did when he was waiting in an airport, to look at those anonymous men and women and imagine who they were, where they could be going and why, to invent stories just to pass the time but also maybe fuel his inspiration for a future script. Sometimes he would even open the little notebook he always brought everywhere with him and sketch a few faces that caught his eye.

But he couldn’t do that anymore. He hadn’t been able to for a long time now, or well… for a year more exactly.

Even had found himself in airports a few times during that last year, traveling for work or going on vacations with his friends, and each time, he really tried to let his mind wander in observation of other travelers, but he couldn’t focus anymore.

Each time, he found himself looking for a particular face in the crowd. Blond curls, green eyes, thin chiseled lips…

It was absurd, there was no chance he would run into him again in yet another random airport somewhere in Europe. But Even couldn’t help looking, he couldn’t help hoping.

Because the truth was, he never forgot about him, about Isak.

He had been thinking about him for an entire year and it was eating him up inside.

From the moment they started to talk in that hotel bar, Even knew there was something about Isak, something special that had fascinated him, made him want to keep talking to him, to keep him close. The attraction was immediate of course, Isak was handsome and caught Even’s eye right away, but it was much more than that. It had to be more than that for Even to cross every line he shouldn’t have, openly flirting with Isak, kissing him in the elevator, asking him to spend the night with him, fucking him in his hotel room, holding him until the small hours of the next day.

It wasn’t like Even to do something like that. He’d never cheated on Sonja before, never even thought about it. They broke up and made up again countless times between the moment they started dating when they were in University and the day they finally decided to make it work, leading to their engagement a little while later. During those breaks in their relationships, both of them had been with other people. Sometimes they were just flings or one night stands when the breaks were only days or weeks long, they even dated other people when months passed before they decided to try again. But they had never been with other people when they were committed to each other.

Until a year ago.

Until just a few days before their wedding.

Until this night that completely knocked Even’s life out of its axis.

Until Isak.

*

That night he couldn't think properly, he couldn't control or stop himself, didn't even really try to. But it was more than an impulse, more than lust, it felt almost important, somehow. And when it was all over, what shocked Even the most was not that he spent a night having sex with a complete stranger just days before his own wedding. No, what struck him the most when he thought about it was the sense of intimacy he had felt lying next to Isak for hours afterwards, just looking at each other, touching each other with so much tenderness. This was what made his heart bolt when the souvenirs of that night came back to him, what made him feel the most guilty about what happened a year before.

That is why when he got out of the bathroom that day and found the room empty, all traces of Isak gone, Even had felt completely crushed. He didn’t know what he expected would happen after that night. Of course he didn’t really think he and Isak would run off together to the other side of the world, it was absurd. But he at least thought they would talk one last time, say goodbye, share a last kiss that he would have savoured because he would have known there would be no other.

As much as Even had tried to convince himself otherwise, this night had meant something to him. He didn’t really know, didn’t understand what but it hadn’t just been a random fuck before settling down.

But to Isak… 

Isak who had disappeared, leaving nothing behind except rumpled sheets still warm where his body had laid minutes before, and a little note. Maybe to Isak it hadn’t mattered that much. Why would it have ?

Even eventually got back to Oslo with a guilty mind and a heavy heart.

He felt tired and irritable, which everyone figured had to do with his work and the stress of the wedding coming up. Sonja didn’t even see it, too busy and nervous that she was with the last preparations for the big day.

On the last day before the wedding, Even was relieved when Sonja insisted on upholding that ridiculous tradition of staying apart and not seeing each other before the ceremony.

“It’s bad luck…” she told Even before kissing him and helping him pack the last few things he needed to stay at Mikael’s for the night.

 _Bad luck_ … Even prevented a bitter laugh from escaping his mouth. 

He left their flat and felt relieved when he stepped outside and contemplated spending these last hours before the wedding without Sonja. He couldn’t bear looking in her eyes, sparkling with excitement, he couldn’t bear kissing her lovely smile and telling her everything was fine.

But then he would be struck by another wave of guilt, because he shouldn’t be grateful to be apart from his fiancée on the eve of their wedding. And he most certainly shouldn’t be thinking about a stranger who left him with nothing but a folded little piece of paper that was now hidden inside his wallet.

These two feelings didn’t leave Even’s mind the entire night.

His friends Elias, Yousef, Adam and Mutta were all there at Mikael’s that night. They were having drinks, celebrating Even’s “last hours of freedom” and Even could feel Mikael’s heavy look on him. Even was sure Mikael could see something was wrong, he was his best friend after all. So he just avoided returning his gaze until the boys left, hugging Even in turn to wish him a good night before the big day.

“Hey man, is everything okay?” Mikael asked him as soon as the apartment front door was shut closed.

“Yeah, yeah…” Even waved off,” “I’m just tired and… a bit nervous about tomorrow that’s all. I should go to sleep.”

“Okay…” Mikael frowned “see you tomorrow.”

Even knew he wasn’t able to fool Mikael. But he couldn’t tell him the truth could he?

*

On the day of his wedding, Even managed to push Isak out of his mind. Well, most of the time.

He had so many things to do, so many people to talk to, between friends he hadn’t seen in a long time and members of Sonja’s family he was meeting for the first time.

And then, there was Sonja finally meeting him at the City Hall in a beautiful flimsy floral dress, because of course she wouldn’t go for the traditional virginal white wedding dress. Even felt his heart swell with tenderness. This was just one of the many reasons he had loved her from the very start, her independent spirit, her humour, the radiant joy that she offered so generously to anyone that met her. 

He loved her, he really did. And at that moment, he was genuinely happy to become her husband.

The wedding party was big and joyful. Even drank, a lot. He drank more than he should have, but it was his wedding, he could overdo it a little bit, couldn’t he?

But after the party was over, after everybody had left, after Even woke up again and the alcoholic fog that clouded his mind had cleared, it all came rushing back and Even felt like he couldn't breathe.

After a few days, he even made an appointment with his psychiatrist without telling Sonja about it. What was just another secret, eh?

He didn't really feel like he was slipping into an episode but then he often realized he had been when it was too late. Because maybe that’s what it was? Sleeping with a complete stranger, imagining that it meant something, that it was bigger than just a vulgar infidelity, obsessing over a man that left the moment he turned his back, reading the few words that he had scribbled on a piece of paper over and over again until he knew them by heart, until they were engraved in his memory, echoing in his mind, and keeping that little piece of evidence with him everywhere he went… 

Even invented some story about acting on impulses and making bad decisions at work that could put his project and his team in jeopardy. He knew he could tell his doctor everything. He had seen him at his weakest, at the darkest times and Even knew he could trust him with everything he would say to him but still, Even wasn’t ready to let the words escape his mouth. He was not ready to confess this fault, to share this secret with anybody.

His doctor didn’t see any signs that he was having an episode. He was tired, he had been stressed by the upcoming wedding, he was feeling anxious and of course he had to be really careful and go back to a stricter routine after the excess of the previous week celebrations… but he seemed stable nonetheless.

No, it was all on him.

It was all on him and he felt the guilt of what he had done crawling under his skin, refusing to leave him. Soon, it was mixed with another kind of guilt, maybe even pernicious. The one he felt when he realized he couldn't get Isak out of his mind, and didn’t really want to. He found himself cherishing the memory of their night together, playing it over and over in his head so he wouldn’t forget a single detail. And the more he replayed it, the more he wanted it again.

That night, Even had wanted to make a little part of Isak his and his only. But but in the end, he felt like he was the one who had left a piece of himself in that hotel room. He felt like something was missing, and yet somehow still hurting. There was nothing he could do about it, but hope that time would make this feeling disappear.

But it didn’t, on the contrary. The more time passed, the more Even felt like that guilt and inexplicable longing were eating him away and it was getting more and more difficult to hide it. With his friends and at work he was able to pretend but with Sonja he couldn’t. Every kiss, every touch, every sweet nothings reminded him of his own lies and deception. With her, Even became distant, irritable, sombre…

In return Sonja grew worried, then annoyed, then angry. When they were not arguing, he felt her inquisitive gaze on him, faced her insistent questioning, just like every time she sensed that something was off with Even and felt the urge to monitor his every move, his every mood and to make sure he was staying on track. 

Even felt like he was suffocating.

He couldn’t bear the fighting, the constant controlling. He was mad at himself for being annoyed with his wife. He wanted to be better, he wanted to go back to the way they were but he knew he had made a choice there was no coming back from. 

Their first year of marriage was supposed to be a happy, exciting one. Sure, they had been together for what felt like forever but still, they should have lived that honeymoon phase like any newly married couple. But no, instead they had been through some of the most tensed few months of their relationship.

“Maybe we do need a honeymoon” Sonja said one day after yet another pointless argument.

“What do you mean?” Even frowned.

“Well, we never had a proper honeymoon after the wedding… we spent a weekend at that cabin and it was really nice and romantic and all but… We couldn’t really get away for too long, you had to work which is fine! I don’t blame you at all. But still we never had a real honeymoon and I think that’s what we need.”

“Sonja…” Even sighed, “do you really think having a late honeymoon is going to magically solve all our problems?”

“No” she said intently, taking Even’s to make him look at her, “but getting away just the two of us, unplugging from our daily lives and problems and focusing on each other may help… Don’t you think we could at least try?”

“Yeah… yes, of course you’re right.” Even breathed out, pulling Sonja into a hug.

He’ll try.

He had to.

*

So a couple of months later, they traveled to New York to celebrate their one year anniversary.

Even's confidence in his ability to push everything aside and focus on Sonja and their relationship began to crumble as soon as they stepped inside Oslo Gardermoen airport.

Just like all the other times he had to fly in the last year, Even's mind was overwhelmed by a rush of memories and an obsessive need to find a certain face in the crowd.

Sonja didn't really notice this time, she was too excited by their trip and barely looked up from the travel guides she took with her, just showing Even something she absolutely wanted to see or do when they would be there. He agreed to everything, nodding and hoping his smile didn't look too rigid. But Sonja seemed happy, so he was probably doing well in faking it.

Even let the whirring of the plane lull him for the duration of the flight. He tried to concentrate on Sonja, the weight of her head on his shoulder, her breathing getting deeper as she fell asleep against him, the softness of her hand entwined in his own, the bright smile that was spread across her face when they had boarded the plane.

This was what mattered, this was real.

Even rushed them out of the airport as soon as they had picked up their luggages, not willing to spend more time than absolutely necessary in a place that would take him back to Isak again.

But as they went out that night to have dinner after settling down at their hotel, Even realised how foolish he had been, thinking he could use this trip abroad to finally put all these thoughts and feelings aside. When Sonja proposed they went New-York, he immediately said yes and never thought that being in the US would mean being closer to him, to where he lived and that he could possibly run into him at any moment. Of course he knew it was absurd, maybe Isak was living on the other side of the country, in California or even in Alaska for all he knew. And yes, New-York was a very cosmopolitan city but even if Isak was indeed living there, there was absolutely no chance they could meet, no chance he would find him amongst the 8 millions people living in this huge city.

It was ridiculous, completely and utterly ridiculous.

But still, Even couldn't help wondering, searching, couldn't help his heart pounding when he would see a man with golden curls and broad shoulders, when his gaze would meet bright green eyes, when he heard a voice with what could have sounded like a scandinavian accent. It obsessed him, occupied his thoughts all the time when he was supposed to spend this trip entirely devoted to fixing the turbulent beginning of his marriage.

He could feel Sonja growing more and more frustrated with how distant and tensed he was all the time, how uncommitted to making things better. Until that last morning, as they were packings their suitcases and juste ended up yelling at each other, Sonja reproaching him of ruining their anniversary, this trip that was supposed to draw them closer again, with his strange mood that he didn't even try to explain to her, his wife, the person he was supposed to tell everything and to trust completely.

But how could he tell her? How could he tell her that he was the one who didn't deserve her trust, who had betrayed it? How could he explain that the reason he couldn't feel close to her again the way he used to, was because there was a presence, a phantom, a souvenir standing between them and that he didn't know how to get rid of it once and for all?

So he got frustrated and accused her of wanting to monitor him again just like she used to. To control the way he acted and the way he felt. It wasn't fair and he knew it, he hated himself for it. But he just couldn't tell her the truth.

*

This is how they ended up waiting to board for their flight back home in a glacial silence until Even couldn't take it anymore and left Sonja to be alone for a moment and get some coffee.

And now his mind was occupied by him again.

This was a disaster.

After he finished his disgusting coffee, Even looked at the schedule information on the big screen above him and saw that boarding for his flight would soon begin.

Before getting back to sonja, he stopped by a bathroom where he splashed some water on his face to try and calm his thoughts.

As he was struggling with a dispenser to grab the last few paper towels, Even heard a toilet flush and someone get out of a cubicle behind him.

Even looked up through the large mirror above the sinks and…

Froze.

This couldn't be. It had to be a dream, a hallucination, a cruel joke from his brain.

This couldn't be…

Isak walked to the sinks where he washed his hands. He was apparently lost in his thoughts and didn't throw a glance at Even who felt like he couldn't breathe any more. His heart was pounding in his chest, blood rushing to his ears, he suddenly felt so light-headed he thought he would faint right there.

He should say something, announce his presence before Isak had a chance to notice him, but Even couldn't do anything else than stare at him in complete shock.

When Isak had rinsed his hands, he turned to the dispenser and suddenly stopped in his movement as he finally saw Even too.

On his face, Even saw the surprise, the shock and total incredulity that were probably written on his own face too. Isak was looking at him with wide eyes, his mouth was open, lips trembling and his cheeks were beginning to blush. He was holding out his wet hands in front of him, water dripping on the tiled floor.

Even needed to say something, if only _hello_ , anything, absolutely anything…

"Sorry I took the last paper towels" he muttered, "but... here."

Even tried to smooth one of the rumpled paper towel he was holding that was still about dry and handed it to Isak.

"Thanks…" Isak said in a low almost strangle voice as he took the towel to try and dry his hands, without ever stopping looking at Even.

This was ridiculous. Even wanted to scream, to laugh hysterically at the complete absurdity of the situation.

Here he was, the man he had been dreaming about, obsessing about for the last year, standing right in front of him.

Even would be lying if he said he hadn’t fantasize a thousand times about seeing Isak again, about how their reunion would be, what they would say to each other. And if he often imagined running into him again in another airport between two flights, never in a million years would he have thought they would end up in a freaking bathroom, staring at each other while Even mumbled about paper towels like a complete idiot.

Even wanted nothing more than for a hole to open below him and swallow him whole, make him disappear.

_Fuck..._

This was a disaster.

"What um... where are you flying?" Isak stuttered, visibly feeling just as comfortable as Even was.

"Home... Oslo. You?"

In the second of silence before Isak answered, Even begged him internally, _Please don't say Oslo, please don't say Oslo..._

"Yeah um..." Isak cleared his throat, "me too."

"Oh... right. Does that mean you're taking the uh..."

"19:30 flight to Oslo, yeah." Isak looked down at the towel, now a little crumpled ball he was fiddling with nervously.

It gave Even a moment to breathe again, now that Isak's eyes weren't on him anymore. But it lasted only a few seconds, before Isak looked up at him again.

"Even..."

Even had gathered all the strength he had just to stay standing on his feet and talk to Isak somewhat like a functioning person and not the complete mess he was inside. But hearing Isak say his name, hearing the slightest hint of a plea in his voice... He remembered the last time his name had escaped Isak lips, the last time he had heard Isak's voice say it in whispers, in moans, in cries as Even was moving inside him.

This was more than he could take.

"I need to go."

Even rushed out of the bathroom, he needed to get as far as he could from Isak, knowing how pointless it was since they were going to spend 8 hours in the closed space of a plane and then be in the same city for god knows how long. A city where their chances of crossing paths again we're a lot higher than in New York. When he was confident he had put enough space between them, Even had to stop to catch his breath. He needed to get a grip, to control himself. He couldn't let Sonja see him like that.

He would have to pretend, to put on his _"everything's fine"_ mask like he had so many times before. He could do that. After all these years, it was getting more and more difficult to fool Sonja but she seemed to be focused on not looking at him or talking to him more than absolutely necessary until they would be back home, so he should be able to do this.

*

Even took a while to manage to compose himself again. When he got back to their boarding gate, there were only a few people left and Sonja, waiting for him with an annoyed look on her face.

“Where were you?” she hissed at him “I thought you were just getting a drink?”

“Yeah sorry I got um… lost.” 

By the look on her face, Even knew Sonja didn’t buy it but wasn’t interesting in knowing more, “Okay, whatever, we have to go now…”

They stepped inside the plane and walked along the aisle looking for their seats. The plane was already almost full, a few people still putting luggage in the overhead-compartments with the help of the stewardesses.

Sonja suddenly stopped before Even when she reached their designated row.

“Hello!” she exclaimed with her warm and lively voice, “I’m sorry we’re gonna have to bother you for a second, we have the window and middle seats.”

“Oh, um… sure, no worries.”

Even could only watch in horror as Isak slowly got up from his seat and moved aside to let them settle next to him.

“I’d like to take the window seat, you don’t mind babe?” Sonja asked him with a sweet, loving tone Even hadn’t heard directing at him at all in the last week.

“Okay, sure…” Even mumbled, unable to tear his eyes away from Isak.

They both stood there as Sonja was settling on her seat, not knowing what to do or what to say.

Even eventually snapped out of it and slid next to Sonja who had already made herself comfortable and opened another magazine. When Isak finally sat back down, both men completely avoided looking at each other but they could still feel each other’s awkwardness and tension.

As if their little scene in the bathroom earlier wasn’t ridiculous enough, Even was now trapped in an uncomfortable and narrow seat between his wife and his long lost lover, like in some sort of cliché vaudevillian play.

To make things even more awkward, Sonja decided to be her friendly and charming self by making conversation with Isak, both of them leaning a bit over Even to be able to talk, leaving him completely paralysed in the middle. Isak was trying to sound relaxed and amiable, but Even, recalling their conversations at the bar and then over dinner a year ago, could hear how forced Isak’s jovial voice actually was.

As for Sonja, he knew very well how angry and frustrated she was really feeling, and that she only put up this façade because she couldn’t bear not to project this perfect image of a happy couple to the people around them, even if she didn’t know them at all.

Eight hours. This journey was going to be interminable.

This was a complete nightmare.

*

Sonja looked out the windows during take off and watched the city get smaller and smaller as the plane gained altitude and went through big white clouds. But quickly she fell asleep on her neck pillow, instead of Even's shoulder this time. It gave him just a tiny bit of relief, at least the tension between them faded the moment she closed her eyes.

But it didn't really make this situation better. Because on his other side, there was still Isak sitting next to him, so close they were almost touching.

Isak who, Even could see it in the corner of his eyes, regularly turned his head slightly towards him, throwing him quick glances before he went back to the book he pretended to read, absentmindedly turning a page from time to time.

Isak was uncomfortable, Even could feel it. He was hyper aware of everything that was coming from him, every flinch of his body when their knees brushed against each other, every change in the rhythm of his breathing, every sound he made clearing his throat or scratching his arm nervously. But beyond the awkwardness and unsease, Even also felt the warmth radiating from Isak's body, he could smell the hint of perfume of his shampoo emanating from his golden curls. And as much as he wanted and needed this impossible situation to end, Even also couldn't help his heart jolting at every sensation, he couldn't help wanting more and it was driving him mad.

Even was fidgeting in his seat, trying desperately to find a comfortable position, or to figure out how to place his long legs without accidentally bumping against Isak’s. His right leg was bouncing nervously and he kept tapping his fingers on the armrest between his seat and Isak's. Suddenly, he felt a strong hand wrapping around his, stopping its jerky movement. 

He turned his head swiftly, first towards Sonja to check that she was still asleep and didn't see the perfect stranger that shared their plane row taking his husband's hand, and then towards Isak, looking at him with wide eyes.

"What are you doing?!" he whisper-shouted.

"You need to calm down, Even." Isak said with the lowest and calmest voice possible, squeezing Even's hand just a little bit tighter.

Even felt like his heart was threatening to burst, a shiver ran from where his skin was touching Isak’s to every extremity of his body. An entire year of longing, of craving Isak’s touch had been blown apart in an instant. How was he supposed to calm down when he felt like all of his senses had been heightened all of a sudden, when his thoughts were spiraling and his lungs unable to take in enough air?

"I'm not sure I can do that if you're touching me." Even said, forcing his voice to sound as assured as possible when he felt like his heart was stuck in his throat.

"Oh I'm... you're right sorry, I shouldn't have..." Isak stuttered, pulling his hand back swiftly.

Even missed the contact, missed the feeling of Isak’s touch instantly. He wanted to take his hand back in his, he wanted to caress it with his fingertips, to entwine their fingers together and not let go. So instead, he just pulled back his hand on his lap and squeezed it into a fist.

"Could we..." Isak hesitated, then he craned his head to look up and down the aisle before getting up from his seat.

He looked down at Even and asked quietly, "Come with me, please?"

Before Even could give him an answer, Isak was walking towards the back of the plane. He waited a moment, a little bit dumbfounded, wondering what Isak wanted and if he should do as he had asked.

No. Of course he shouldn't. He shouldn't follow his ex-lover or whatever they were when he asked him to, when his wife was sitting next to him, asleep and completely oblivious to what was going on. He shouldn't... but he got up anyway.

Even found Isak waiting for him in the small spacz behind the last row of seats, where the flight attendants could seat during take-off and landing, the only place in the plane where they could find some kind of privacy. It was getting pretty late and luckily a lot of passengers seemed to be dozing off already.

Isak seemed tense, he was biting his nails and somehow, it made Even feel a little bit more at ease, relieved to know that he wasn't the only who was turned into a bundle of nerves by this whole situation.

"Hi..." Isak said, his voice unsure when he saw Even had eventually come to him.

"Hi." Even smiled and saw how it made Isak relax, even almost imperceptibly.

"I... I'm sorry about all that" Isak blurted out gesturing at the cabin behind Even, "I can ask to change seats if you want, if it would make you feel more comfortable, I..."

"It's fine, Isak." Even stopped his jabber, "the plane is full anyway, it would be weird and I don't want to cause problems or anything. And you don't have to be sorry, I mean you're not responsible for any of this..."

"Right." Isak nodded like this made just perfect sense.

"So um..." he continued, clearing his voice, "The woman you're travelling with, I guess that's your um..."

"That's Sonja, my wife yeah..."

"Sonja..." Isak repeated, looking down at his feet "she seems nice."

Even only hummed in confirmation, Isak still avoiding his gaze.

“And you… how have you been? Are you enjoying life in the States?” Even asked after a moment of awkward silence.

“Yeah… yeah I am. Everything’s good” Isak assured him and smiled, but Even couldn’t help wondering if it was a hint of sadness he could see in his elusive gaze.

“Even…” Isak hesitated “about last year I’m…”

“Don’t…” Even cut him off.

This was the conversation Even had maybe imagined the most during that last year, when he let himself fantasize about meeting Isak again. He thought about asking him why he had left, why he didn’t even let them say a proper goodbye, if this had been so meaningless to him he had prefered to flee as soon as he had the chance, leaving Even alone with this mistake he would have to drag with him everywhere and all the time. But now that they were about to have this conversation, Even didn’t think he could take it. He didn’t think he could hear Isak tell him that he was sorry, that it had been better that way, that they shouldn’t have done that in the first place… He didn’t want to hear the regret in his voice or see pity in his eyes.

There was nothing more to say.

"It's okay, it's all in the past now…" Even added.

"Oh. Yes, you're probably right."

They fell silent and Even could feel the tension between them rise again, he could see Isak growing more tense and avoid his gaze again, looking for a way out of this uncomfortable moment. And Even didn’t want that.

"Well, that was a lovely chat!" He blurted out before he could stop himself.

Isak looked at him, eyebrows raised in surprise and after a few seconds just staring at each other in hesitation, they both burst out laughing, trying to keep it as discreet as they could.

 _Damn, I missed your smile…_ Even though, feeling his heart fluttering as if he was just a silly teenager with a crush.

They stood there for a moment, letting their laughters die down and stealing glances at each other, not sure what to do next.

“Should we go back…”

“I think we should um...”

The chuckled again after they both talked at the same time and then, just nodded and walked back to their row. Even took a little bit of advance and found Sonja still asleep in her seat. Most of the passengers were also sleeping now, the lights of the plane dimmed to let them rest during the flight. 

A minute later, Isak came back to his seat as well and this time, Even didn’t feel so uncomfortable or so trapped as before.

They exchanged a quick smile and then Isak put on his earphones to listen to some music on his phone. Even opened a book and didn’t realize Isak had also eventually drifted off to sleep, until his head came to rest on Even’s shoulder.

Even knew he should probably wake him up or just gently push his head away, but he couldn’t. He let himself have this, the comforting warmth and weight of Isak’s body against his. Even turned his head slightly and nuzzled against his soft curls before pressing a soft barely there kiss on the top of his head. When Isak let out a small, content sigh in his sleep, Even had to look up to prevent tears from coming to his eyes.

Even jumped when he heard Sonja move his her seat. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw she had just shifted in her sleep but his movement had also pushed Isak away, now sleeping his head turned towards the aisle.

Even knew it was better that way but he wanted nothing more than to pull Isak back against him.

He spent the rest of the journey unable to sleep or read or do anything else but to listen to the two persons surrounding him, breathing deeply in their sleep. He felt like his heart was ready to be torn apart between the woman he had promised to love forever and the man he secretly desired more than anything else.

*

Isak got up as soon as the plane had stopped moving on the tarmac, grabbing his bag in the overhead compartment before blending into the others travelers walking out of the plane.

Even tried to catch his eyes but Isak seemed to be avoiding him again. So he just gathered his stuff as Sonja was slowly coming back to her senses and waited for her to be ready to finally get up and leave too.

After they got their luggages back, Even and Sonja stepped into the arrivals hallway where some people were waiting, their eyes scanning the groups of people arriving for the persons they were expecting.

“Isak!!”

Even snapped his head to where the voice came from and saw a man with dark curly hair and a big bright smile wave his arms enthusiastically until Isak was close enough for his friend to wrap him into a tight hug. He watched them talk and smile, obviously happy to meet again, before Isak’s they both started to walk away.

 _This is it…_ Even thought his heart beginning to ache again, _this is how we part again without so much as a…_

But then, he saw Isak stop and throw a glance behind him, his eyes roaming the crowd until he found Even. They looked at each other for a moment during which Even felt like everything around became still and muted… until Isak turned around and caught his friend who was waiting for him.

_...goodbye._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, I'm afraid there's still a bit of angst ahead... sorry ! But what did you think of their reunion?
> 
> I was planning on doing just a second part but it got a bit longer than I thought so... I think this will be 3 or 4 chapters long in the end.
> 
> Thank you a lot for reading !
> 
> I’m on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) and [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/), come say hello !  
> Much Love  
> L.


	3. Chapter 3

Even and Sonja arrived home after another tensed and silent cab drive.

It was late in the morning but Even had lost all sense of time and space due to the jetlag of course, but maybe even more by his encounter with Isak which had brought him back a year ago, in a different airport. He felt so disoriented he probably would have forgotten what is own name was if someone had asked.

Even unlocked the front door of their apartment, and dropped his bags on the floor as soon as he stepped inside. He started to walk towards the bedroom, just needing to close his eyes for a moment, to fall asleep and forget about this strange journey, about his wife’s anger and disappointment, about the feeling of Isak’s hand on his own, of his head against his neck and about the sound of his laugh... 

"Even."

He stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes a moment, while letting out a low, shaky sigh.

"Not now, Sonja.” he said, as he turned around to face her, “Please, I need to sleep, I can't do this right now. Just let me... please."

"We're gonna have to talk Even." she said, her voice flat yet stern and final.

"To talk..." he scoffed "When's the last time we  _ talked _ Sonja? We don't talk anymore, we argue. That's all we've been doing this entire trip and I'm really tired so please... not now."

Even turned around and started to walk to their bedroom before Sonja could say anything, but he could feel her eyes on his back. He knew he would have to make up for that, for what he said and for walking away from her right after, but at that moment he was too exhausted and overwhelmed to care.

*

Despite his fatigue and weariness, Even couldn’t sleep.

His body was telling him that it was the middle of the night but outside, the sun was shining and the street buzzing with the sound of cars and people going about their ordinary day. And if Even could reduce the light and the noise by closing the curtains, he didn’t know what to do about the thoughts that were swirling in his head without any respite.

Even laid in his bed for a couple of hours, twisting and turning. He managed to doze off a few times but then he kept seeing him, feeling him, the events of the day before blending with the memory of their night together, and he eventually woke up again with a start.

He gave in after a while and left his bed to get into the shower hoping it would help him clear his thoughts a little bit and get rid of the migraine that had crept up on him as soon as they got home.

Then, Even went to the kitchen where he found Sonja, sitting at the table, a cup of tea in front of her.

"Hei..." he said, his voice hoarse and tired.

"Hi..." Sonja answered absentmindedly, looking down at her hands wrapped around the steaming cup, “Did you manage to sleep?”

“Um no… not really.”

"How come? I thought you were exhausted." she said in a voice that was a lot more annoyed than actually concerned.

_ How come? Because my heart was beating so fast and so hard I thought it would burst, because I felt like screaming, like crying, like running away, because I couldn't think about anything else that him him him, because my hand was still burning from the feeling of his skin against mine and everytime I tried to close my eyes I could see his face as clearly as if he had been standing in front of me. _

"Don't know... too jet lagged I guess." Even shrugged.

Sonja just hummed and got up to make him a cup of coffee. She prepared it just the way he liked it and put it on the table in front of him in silence.

It was all very automatic, she completed this small task without even thinking about it because she already had a thousand times before. Any other day, Even would have smiled, he would have been filled with tenderness at the thought that they knew each other so well and had been in each other's lives for so long that they could do these little everyday things almost with their eyes closed without even having to say anything because they understood each other's needs like just their own.

But today, it made him feel like he was suffocating, like his life and desires weren't really his own anymore.

_ It's just a cup of coffee _ , Even repeated to himself,  _ just a cup of coffee _ .

“Why didn’t you sleep during the flight?” Sonja sighed, sounding like she was scolding a little boy who had done something bad, “You know you shouldn’t mess with your sleep schedule, Even. You know how important it is, you’re already so stressed and on edge, I don’t want you to…”

“I know, Sonja.” he cut her off, his voice coming out a little louder than he meant to.

They stayed silent, just looking in each other’s eyes for a moment that seemed to last forever. Even squeezed his trembling hands around his cup of coffee, concentrating on the scorching feeling on his skin, this pain much easier to bear than the one igniting in his heart.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times but preferred not to speak, knowing that nothing good could come of anything that he wanted to say right now.

“You know I only want what's best for you.” Sonja said, trying to ease the tension but Even could feel she was holding back too.

When Even didn’t answer, she just got up and walked out of the kitchen. As she passed near him, Sonja gently stroke his cheek with a brush of her knuckles and Even had to restrain himself from flinching at the intimate gesture.

*

A couple of days passed in an odd and strained cohabitation.

They didn’t really talked about what happened, it was never really the right time for it and this day above all was definitely not.

Even was fidgeting in their apartment doorway, looking at his watch every 30 seconds.

“Sonja, are you ready? We’re gonna be late.” Even called again.

“Relax, alright?” she sighed when she joined him, fixing one of her earing as she walked, “It’s a big party, there’s gonna be tons of people, nobody’s gonna notice if we’re a few minutes late.”

“Not the point.” Even answered sternly and hoped his voice didn’t betray how irritated he was, “And I told Yousef we’d be there early to give them a hand. Besides you know how today is important. So please… hurry up.”

“Fine, fine… Here, hold my purse, I just need to put on my shoes.”

Even sighed as he grabbed the small bag Sonja shoved in his hands and watched her bend down to slip her high heels on. When she stood back up, she still had to tilt her head up to look at Even in the eyes, despite the few extra centimeters.

“There, all set. Happy?”

“I… Let’s just go okay?” he mumbled, turning around to lead them outside.

*

They left the flat and made their way to the party talking about this and that. The tension between them was still there, ready to ignite an argument at any faux pas, but in some kind of silent understanding, they both decided to call a truce today. It was an important day, for their friend, and they would be on their best behaviors.

When they arrived, Even knocked on the door and felt Sonja take his hand and shift just a little closer to him, creating a semblance of intimacy for everyone else to see. Even knew he would have to pretend when they got there, act like everything was fine and they weren’t spending entire days in icy silence after a failed honeymoon that ended in screams.

He knew that he would have to suck it up, but still, he wasn’t ready.

He wasn’t ready to play the perfect couple, or for the uncomfortable shudder than ran through his body when his wife took his hand. He watched her plaster her brightest smile over her face when the door opened and he could only hope that he had also managed to create a convincing facade and wasn’t looking as uneasy as he was feeling inside.

“Oh hei, you’re here!” Yousef exclaimed as he opened the door.

He kissed Sonja on the cheek and showed her where she could put down the food and gift they brought before turning back to Even who pulled him into a hug.

“Congratulations man…” Even said and smiled, a real happy smile for the first time in days.

“Thanks… I’m so happy I still can’t quite believe it!” Yousef chuckled, “But eh, you know the feeling”

“Yeah…” Even cleared his throat, “Sorry we’re a bit late.”

“Oh no worries” Yusef brushed it off, “nothing's really started yet, but the guys are all here already, come outside."

"Nice" Even smiled and followed Yousek in the garden, with Sonja by his side.

Even hugged his friends warmly one by one, Adam, Mutta, his best friends Mikael and finally Elias.

“So, how does it feel to have this one getting engaged to your sister?” Even teased Elias as he leaned back from their hug.

“Ugh… took them long enough.” Elias groaned, “at least now maybe he’ll shut up about it.”

“Yeah, I wouldn't’ count on that…” Mikael laughed.

They continued to make fun of Yousef who took everything with a gracious smile, too happy to even pretend being offended by his friends’ mocking. They all continued to banter like they always had while setting up the tables outside.

Soon, Elias’ parents also got out of the house, bringing plates after plates of food for the party, the smell of Elias’ Mom cooking bringing Even back to their high school days when they would all share dinner at the Bakkoush’s after a day of studying or more often filming stupid videos together. 

Already then, Yousef and Sana, Elias’ little sister, had spent entire evenings exchanging shy glances over the dinner table.

Yousef's face lit up when Sana joined them outside. Even smiled at his friend's lovesick look, but then, he wondered when was the last time he felt like that when he looked at Sonja. When was the last time he found himself completely lovestruck, feeling like everything and everyone else had disappeared the moment she entered a room.

He wondered what could be seen in his eyes if he were to just turn his head and look at her right now. 

So he didn't.

Instead, he greeted Sana's best friends, girls she met in high school too. They didn't go to the same school but some of them Even had already seen around a few times.

They all finished setting everything up, Even welcoming the distraction from his internal struggles, and soon, the other guests started to arrive too. The house and the garden were quickly resonating with music and laughters and Even began to feel like he was starting to relax.

But then, his eyes were drawn to a face he felt like he had seen before. He looked at this guy chatting with some of Sana's high school girlfriends. He had fair green eyes and big bushy eyebrows, dark curly hair… Was he a friend of Sana's he had already met before? He only remembered some of the girls…

When the guy smiled at something one of the girls said, it struck Even. He remembered that bright and wide smile, he remembered where he saw it for the first time and above all that, he remembered who he had been destined to.

_ No. _

_ No, no, no... _

It couldn't be, right?

Even went back inside to the kitchen to find something to drink and get away from the party for just a moment. He needed to collect his thoughts, to focus. Was he really  _ that  _ obsessed with Isak that he was persuaded to see his friend he only had a glimpse of once, or was the universe trying to pull another sick joke on him?

He heard the front door of the house open and close gain, and Sana’s voice coming closer until she sounded to be right behind him in the kitchen.

“Oh, this is Even!” she exclaimed.

Even didn’t even have time to fully turn around to face Sana and the newly arrived guest before she continued, “Even, this is my friend Isak. We met in high school but he was such a grumpy boy at that time, ugh… we really became buds at uni.” she said with a teasing smile.

“Even is one of Yousef’s and Elias' best friends, you know from the Bakka gang.” she continued, rolling her eyes fondly as she mentioned the boys, “I don’t think you two ever met, right?”

A few seconds passed in silence, Even and Isak looking at each other with wide eyes. Even quickly put his drink down on the kitchen counter, because his hand was beginning to tremble and he was afraid he would let his glass fall on the ground and break into a thousand pieces.

It gave Isak just enough time to also collect himself, and when Even face them again, he cleared his throat before telling Sana, “Um, we have, actually…”

“You have? When?” she asked looking between Isak and Even.

Even saw the hint of a blush appear on Isak’s cheeks and he knew that, just like him, he hadn’t been able to prevent his mind from wandering to the actual time they met. But Isak didn’t let that disturb him, his emotion only seen by Even.

“Just a few days ago, we took the same flight home from New-York.”

"Really? Wow that's amazing! I mean, what are the odds?" Sana laughed incredulously.

"Amazing, yeah…" Even shook his head slightly, staring at Isak who was looking back at him with a small, tentative smile.

Even was trying to wrap his head around what was happening, he could only stand there completely awestruck. He knew that Sana was still talking but he couldn't hear what she was saying anymore. Everything in his brain screamed  _ Isak, Isak, Isak _ .

It had to mean something, for them to meet again then and there, right?

Even had always been the kind of person who looked for meaning in all things, in a number that he kept seeing everywhere or a song that played at the radio at a particularly meaningful moment, and he couldn’t believe that he and Isak keeping running into each other was just pure coincidence.

And to think that they had been so close to each other for years… Why did chance never allowed them to meet back then but kept pushing them together now?

“Anyway!” Sana snapped Even out of his thoughts by putting her hand on his forearm, “I have to introduce Yousef to my Aunt Hafsa… I’ll leave you two, okay?”

“Um… okay.” Even managed to stutter, “see you later.”

They both looked at Sana walk away to the garden, before slowly turning back to face each other. Even didn't know how he was supposed to address Isak, he didn’t know where they stood after their last encounter. They didn’t really talked about anything, it wasn’t the place and Even didn’t exactly let Isak say anything… but then Even had felt like some of the tension between them had still been kind of lifted. They had smiled to each other and later, Isak had fallen asleep against him, responding so sweetly to Even’s small gesture of tenderness in his sleep… before they had parted without a word again.

Even couldn’t lie, he was happy.

He was so happy to see Isak right there in front of him and to mabe have a chance to speak with him. He knew they couldn’t have met at a more inconvenient time or place, as they were celebrating Sana’s and Yousef’s engagement with all their friends present and of course, Sonja.

But at that moment, none of that mattered. The minute Sana walked away, Even felt like they were the only people there, like everything and everyone else had vanished to only leave room for this man. This man who was still smiling at Even almost shyly, opening his mouth hesitantly as if he was struggling with same dilemma and couldn’t find the right thing to say.

“It’s um... nice to see you.” Isak finally said, so prudently it almost sounded like a question.

“Uh, you too…” Even chuckled nervously, “a bit unexpected but…”

“Yeah…”

“I think I saw your friend, the one who picked you up at the airport?” Even asked realizing that no, he hadn’t been imagining things earlier.

“Oh yeah Jonas, he’s my best friend.” Isak smiled a little bit wider, “I’m staying with him while I’m here.”

“That’s nice…”

“Are you here with um…”

“Yes.”

Isak just humed, his smile disappeared as he bit his lower lip and Even could feel it, the awkwardness creeping back between them. Even couldn’t have that, not yet. 

“So, grumpy teen eh?” Even teased him just to try and lighten up the mood, desperately hoping to see a smile come back to his lips.

Isak scoffed, rolling his eyes in annoyance but still, Even thought it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen in his life, that and the blush that seemed to be spreading on Isak’s cheeks.

“I was not! She just couldn’t stand me because I got better grades than her in biology that’s all. I was maybe a bit… reserved sometimes.”

“Oh yeah? Because I remember Sana in high school, there were days when Wednesday Addams would have seemed like the life of the party next to her. So for her to find someone else grumpy…”

“Shut up…” Isak groaned “I was absolutely delightful.”

“Delightful?” Even laughed, “Isak, absolutely no teenager could be described as delightful, ever.”

“Well, I was. Delightful, sunny, perfectly amiable teenager, okay?”

“Right, I’m sure you were…” Even winked, making Isak blushed just a little bit more.

They laughed once more and suddenly, Even felt like he could breathe again, like he had spent the last few days underwater, painfully holding his breath until that moment.

When their laughing died down, they kept looking at each other for a moment, and when Isak’s gaze went quickly from Even’s eyes to his lips, then up again, Even had to gather all his strengths not to lean down and kiss him right there out in the open.

“Maybe we should um…” Even pointed at the garden where everyone was gathered, voices and laughters suddenly reaching them in their little bubble.

“Yeah, of course” Isak said shaking his head lightly, seeming to remember where they actually were, “let’s go.”

They stepped into the garden together, but soon, they were both drawn back to their respective friends. Even felt his heart quicken when he heard Isak’s laugh and couldn’t help his eyes roaming the party to look for him every chance he got.

Almost every time, Isak was looking back.

An hour or two passed by like this, they didn’t get near each other but they were always aware of the other’s presence, where he was, who he was talking to, if he seemed to be having fun or if he was trapped in an endless conversation with one of Yousef’s second cousin on his mother’s side… 

Sometimes, Sonja would join Even, wrap an arm around his waist or leave a quick kiss on his cheek and these times, Isak didn’t look back.

Later in the evening, Elias changed the music and the guests started to dance, following Sana and Yousef on an improvised dance floor in the garden.

Even had every intention to stay at the table he was sitting with Mikael and Adam and not submit himself to the ridicule of having to try to move his long uncoordinated limbs somewhat gracefully, but Sonja came up to him, holding out her hand in invitation.

“Dance with me?” she asked.

“Um Sonja… I don’t really feel like…” 

“Please.” she insisted.

“Okay, sure…” he took her hand and got up, letting Sonja lead the way until they were amongst the other guests dancing under the fairy lights. 

Sonja wrapped her arms around Even’s shoulder and they began swaying to the rhythm of the music. Even was never comfortable when dancing but he felt his body get even stiffer than usual. Still, Sonja was looking up at him with a wide smile and something like a hopeful look in her eyes.

“This is nice, isn’t it ?” she asked.

“Yeah, it is…” Even smiled and saw her lighten up a little bit more.

“It’s been so long since we danced together… why don’t we do this more often?”

“Because look at me…” Even chuckled, “if you wanted someone to dance with, you should have married this one instead.” he nodded towards Yousef who was showing off his dance moves under the impressed look of his bride-to-be.

“Don’t be silly…” Sonja laughed and pulled Even a little closer.

She looked up at him, their bodies almost pressed together, the twinkle of the fairy lights reflecting in her eyes and let one of her hand wrap around Even’s neck softly.

This was all lovely and romantic, and Even knew what was very naturally supposed to come next, so he leaned down and kissed her.

Even kissed Sonja like he had a thousand times before but for the first time it felt… wrong.

The lips and the tongue he had felt so many times against his, this body he had made one with again and again felt unfamiliar, almost alien. Even sensed something uneasy creeping under his skin, a strange sentiment that he shouldn’t be doing that, that he was doing something bad, that he was betraying himself but also…

Still wrapped into Sonja’s arms and pressed against her lips, Even opened his eyes and immediately saw him, the person he felt he was doing wrong, the person he really wanted to kiss and touch, and breathe in.

And this time, Isak was looking right back at him.

The locked eyes for a few seconds, Even could see how dark Isak’s gaze was, how his jaw was clenching nervously and all of a sudden, he got up from his chair and walked away inside the house.

Even stopped kissing Sonja but kept her close to him and kept on dancing.

Then, he waited.

He waited for the song to be over and it felt like the longest couple of minutes of his life.

“See? It wasn’t that bad…” Sonja teased him when it was over and he told her that he had danced enough for now.

“Yeah…” he chuckled nervously as they joined a few of their friends at a table.

“I’ll just um… I’ll be right back.” Even mumbled and walked away when Sonja just answered with a little smile.

He got back into the house and looked around the empty kitchen and living room, no sign of Isak anywhere. He wouldn’t have left? Not again?

Even climbed up the stairs and listened to any noise coming from the rooms upstairs, then walked to Elias’ bedroom when he noticed to door was ajar. He pushed the door and found himself back in his friend’s bedroom, unchanged from the time he left his parent’s place, like a little time capsule to their teenage years.

It was all exactly the same, except for one thing.

Except this time, he found Isak pacing the room, nervously biting his nails like Even had already seen him doing in the plane.

“Hei.” Even said softly as he entered the room and closed the door behind him.

“Fuck!” Isak jumped when he heard his voice.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you I… I can leave if you want to be alone.”

“No. You can… you can stay.”

Even smiled and took a small, careful step towards Isak, as if if was trying not to scare him away.

“Are you okay?”, he asked softly.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Isak looked down, “I just needed to get away for a moment, it was all getting a bit… much.”

“What was?” Even asked, taking another step.

“You know, all the people, the party, the music, you…” Isak paused, hesitating before he yielded and continued, “... and her.”

Isak shut his eyes the moment he let the words escape his mouth, as if he was preparing for the blow.

“What are you saying?” Even asked as he took another step closer.

“Come on Even” Isak scoffed, “You know what I’m saying.”

Another step.

Isak looked back up at Even who was now standing right before him.

“You know…”

Even closed the distance between them with a final, small step, but he felt like he was jumping above a chasm. It was scary and reckless but he didn’t care, because Isak was standing on the other side.

So he leaned in, and kissed him.

He kissed him deep and messy, he kissed him with all the longing and desperation he had been carrying with him for an entire year, he kissed him like he never wanted to kiss somebody else, and Isak responded with just as much yearning.

Even pulled Isak by the waist and Isak wrapped his arms around his neck, one of his hand grabbing fistful of Even’s hair as if he needed something to hold onto or he would collapse on the ground. They both clung to the other like they never want to let him go.

“I’m here for two weeks,” Isak panted against Even’s lips when they broke their kiss, “can I see you again? Can we…?”

Even’s heart raced even faster and he felt torn, completely torn by both the indescriptible joy to be kissing Isak, to know that he wanted them to meet again, but also by the dread brought with the realisation that he would have to leave again.

But he shouldn't think about that just yet. Right now, Isak was here with him and it was all that mattered.

“Yes! Yes - yes - yes…” Even repeated again and again, kissing him between each word, devouring the giggles that escaped Isak’s mouth. 

“Okay.” Isak smiled, “but right now we should…”

He gestured towards the garden, mirroring Even earlier when they’d met in the kitchen.

Even sighed and let his forehead rest against Isak’s a moment.

“You’re right, we should.”

They stayed like that for another minute or two, neither of them willing to part and go back to the party. 

“Wait.” Isak said when they were getting ready to step out of the room.

Isak raised his hand and combed his fingers through Even’s disheveled hair, restyling it after he had messed it up while they kissed. He tucked a final strand of hair behind Even’s ear tenderly before looking in his eyes to breathe out in a smile, “That’s better.”

Then, they left one after the other and joined their friends like absolutely nothing happened.

*

They continued to look at each other from afar the entire night, exchanging glances and discreet smiles like in a silent, secret conversation. They not so accidentally met at the buffet and let their hands brush as they both helped themselves to some food.

They didn’t talk again, they didn’t need to.

And when Isak looked at him one last time before he left with Jonas, Even smiled. Because this time, Isak wasn’t walking away from him. He watched him leave once again, but if they still didn’t say goodbye, this time Isak left Even with something more precious that a few parting words.

He left him with a phone number, and a promise to meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for still being here and reading this story, I hope you liked this new chapter :)
> 
> I'm going away tomorrow and I will have to put my story on hold for a couple of weeks, so I don't know when the next update will be. Which is why I wanted to leave you with something a little bit more hopeful...
> 
> As always, your feedbacks are greatly appreciated.  
> I'll see you all very soon !
> 
> I’m on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) and [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/), come say hello !  
> Much Love  
> L.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely reader!  
> I'm back with a new chapter yay!! I want to thank all of you who left kudos and comments on this fic, all of your feedbacks are very precious to me and they really helped me coming back to this fic after the pause I took.
> 
> Enjoy :)

Looking up at the apartment building, Even felt his pulse racing, his breath caught in his throat.

He hadn’t been able to help his legs rushing to make the journey between there and the tram stop just a few blocks away and now he had to catch his breath, feeling like he had just run a marathon.

It had only been two days.

Two days between Even and Isak parted after the engagement party, and this moment when they arranged to meet.

Isak had things to do, people to see while he was in Oslo, Even had some meetings he couldn’t reschedule at the last minute.

So they had to wait for two days that felt like an eternity.

And now there he was, breathless because he couldn’t bear letting the small walk from the tram station take more time than he was willing to lose before he could finally be with Isak again.

Even snapped out of his thoughts when an old lady got out of the building, holding the door open for her with his most charming smile so that he could slip inside after her.

He practically ran up the stairs until he finally found himself in front of the front door of an apartment on the third floor. Even threw a quick glance at the name above the doorbell,  _ Jonas Noah Vasquez _ .

This was it.

Isak was behind that door, expecting him.

Even had waited impatiently for two days, his entire body aching for the moment he would be with Isak again, but now that it had come, he was standing still in front of the door, unable to move.

He didn't have second thoughts, he didn't regret coming. These thoughts had been pushed as far as they could possibly go in the back of his mind the moment they kissed again in Elias’ bedroom. They had been shattered in little pieces when Isak had asked him to meet again, an hopeful look in his lovely green eyes. 

He was just… nervous. Nervous like a teenager going to his first date. 

Even eventually heard some muffled noise coming from the apartment. The creaking of a wooden floor, fast steps going from one side to the other and then back again.

It sounded like someone, well,  _ Isak _ , was pacing the apartment, just like Even had already seen him do it in Elias’s room, nervously biting his nails before he had joined him.

Before they had talked, kissed, and secretly planned to meet again.

Even smiled. From the sound of it, Isak was just as agitated as he was right now.

Feeling his heart flutter at the thought, he finally lifted his hand to knock on the door, not wanting to startle Isak with the sound of the doorbell.

The pacing immediately stopped. 

For a moment that seemed to spread on forever, there was only silence left on the other side of the door. He wondered if, unlike him, Isak was starting to regret this, if he was trying to remain silent so that Even would think he wasn't there and eventually leave. But suddenly, the sound of his steps resumed, and this time, they were coming towards Even.

The door swung open and Even had to blink a few times when Isak appeared before him, as if he had just opened the blinds of a room bathing in darkness and needed to adjust to the brightness of the light. Because that was how stunning Isak was, his green eyes wide, probably with the surprise of finding Even already here when he didn’t ring the intercom, his cheeks flushed maybe because of all the pacing he did in the apartment or just maybe because he was a little flustered by their reunion… Even thought, secretly hoping it was the latter option.

They both stood there for a moment, taking each other in until Even broke the silence that was stretching between them.

“Halla.” he simply said, his voice even lower than it usually was.

“Halla.” Isak responded and he sounded so small, unsure of himself that Even felt the urge to lunge at him and wrap him in his arms.

But he didn’t move, because now that he finally found himself in front of Isak, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do, how to greet him, or what he was here for really. They didn’t talk much since they saw each other at the party, only exchanged a few texts to arrange their meeting but never discussed what  _ this  _ really was. What did Isak want out of this? Was this just about sex to him, and Even just someone who was there to help him strach that hitch he got whenever Isak was in that space of liberty between his two homes? Was it more than that?

Even felt scared. Scared to know the answer to those questions, but maybe even more to answer them for himself because he could feel that the feelings he had for Isak, the pull he felt towards him were getting out of his control.

“Do you want to come in?” Isak's voice brought him back from the questions bombarding his mind.

“Yeah.” Even breathed out in a smile and stepped into the apartment when Isak stepped aside before closing the door behind them.

When Even turned around towards him, Isak quickly walked past him and into the kitchen where he opened the fridge and asked with his back to Even, “Do you want something to drink? A beer maybe, or I can make some coffee, or just water if you’re thirsty…”

“I’m fine, Isak.” Even cut off Isak’s rambling as he got closer to him, leaning on the kitchen counter.

“Oh. Right, okay…” Isak mumbled, closing the door of the fridge and looking all around him except at Even.

“You’re okay?” Even asked him.

“Of course I’m okay.” Isak shook his head looking down at his feet.

"Are you... nervous?" Even continued carefully but still with the hint of a smile in his voice, just enough to tease Isak.

"What?" Isak scoffed, shooting his head up to finally look Even in the eyes, "I'm not…"

"Because I am." Even said his eyes still locked on Isak, his voice not as steady as he hoped he would be.

"You are?"

"Yeah…" he breathed out.

"Do you want to… leave?" Isak asked, throwing a glance at the front door with a frown.

"What? No, of course not!” Even protested immediately not wanting Isak to think for a second that he didn’t want to be there, “I just… I was just really looking forward to seeing you that's all."

"Me too.” Isak smiled, “And… well, I may be a bit nervous too…"

“Oh yeah?”

Isak groaned and rolled his eyes at the satisfied grin Even couldn’t prevent from spreading on his face. “Alright, don’t get too cocky already…”

“Oh, there he is!”

“Huh? Who?”

“That grumpy Isak I’ve heard so much about.” Even beamed.

“Fuck off…” Isak huffed out a laugh.

“He’s cute though.” Even said, not missing how the compliment caused Isak’s cheeks to color with the loveliest shade of pink.

“You’re ridiculous.” Isak shook his head, folding his arms across his chest.

“Come here…” Even held out his hand, encouraged by the small smile that was beginning to appear on Isak’s lips.

Isak’s offended act held on for no more than two seconds before he unfolded his arms and reached for Even’s hand. Even entwined their fingers together and pulled Isak closer until he could lean in and kiss him tenderly, his other hand reaching for Isak’s face, his thumb gently stroking his cheekbone.

It was a slow, tender kiss. Unlike the last time they were in each other’s embrace, when their risky situation, and above all the urgency of finally being able to taste that skin they had been deprived of for so long, had turned their kiss deep and passionate in an instant.

This time, they weren’t rushed, they had time, they were alone, safe.

So they let their lips just press against each other softly at first, and there was something so natural in this small, intimate gesture that Even felt his heart clench a little. He leaned back ever so slightly and took in the sight of Isak, his eyelids half-closed, a dazed look fixed on Even’s mouth. He ran his tongue over his lips before diving in again, their lips now slick and sliding against each other, their movement speeding along with the rhythm of their breathing, lips parting to welcome the other tongue more and more hungrily.

Soon, Even had backed Isak against the counter, his lips against the sensitive skin of his neck where he could feel Isak’s pulse racing under his touch, their hips grinding against each other, both of them fully hard and eventually done taking their time.

Even broke their kiss to rest their forehead together for a moment, just to calm the frantic beating of his own heart and try to catch his breath.

They rubbed their nose together softly, an odd, sweet gesture for the state of arousal they were in and smiled at each other. Then, without another word, Even let Isak take his hand and lead him to another room, apparently Jonas’ office turned into a guest room. The sofa bed was opened, the sheets still rumpled from the previous night and for a second, Even had a flash of another bed bearing the proof of Isak’s presence. The image of the empty sheets engraved in his mind. But Even shouldn’t revisit these memories now, not when Isak was pressing their lips back in a messy kiss while his hands worked rapidly to get them rid of their clothes.

Even had often replayed the night they spent together in his head over the course of that past year. Sometimes when he would touch himself in the shower or during a lonely, sleepless night, but often also in the middle of a banal day, simply because he couldn’t get it out of his mind. Sometimes he wondered which parts happened exactly as he pictured them, and which had been magnified by his own fantasies.

That day, he realized that he hadn’t forgotten anything, that he remembered absolutely everything, every single detail about that night but especially, about Isak. 

He remembered the smell of his sweat and the touch of his skin, he remembered exactly where to stroke, where to kiss, where to lick, where to bite to see Isak’s body fell apart under his own and hear the loveliest, dirtiest sounds come out of his mouth, but he also remembered where not to touch if he didn’t want to get shoved away because Isak was ticklish there.

He remembered his moans, getting louder and more desperate, the choked whimper that escaped his throat as Even sunk into him, he remembered how his own name was always on Isak’s lips begging him to go faster, deeper… Whatever Isak asked for, Even complied.

And he remembered the harmony of their cries when they came just seconds apart, the pressure of Isak’s body clenching around him and the salty taste of his sweat coating his skin when Even pressed light soothing kisses all over Isak’s body as he tried to catch his breath.

And by the way Isak’s body responded perfectly to his, to every signal, to every sound and every thrust, Even was sure he remembered it all too.

*

As they were lying next to each other on the sofa bed, just basking in the warmth of each other’s body, Isak lifted in hand to caress Even’s cheek and this time, he was the one who asked, “You’re okay?”

The tiny frown on Isak’s face told Even his question was just as full of meaning as his own had been a year ago. So he smiled and nuzzled his face in Isak’s hand, leaving a soft kiss on his palm.

“I’m okay.” he said looking back at Isak, “You?”

“Me too.”

“Except…” Even frowned shifting his body on the bed, “this matress is really fucking uncomfortable…”

“Easy for you to complain” Isak scoffed, “you were on top of me until now… when  _ I  _ had a loose spring poking my back the whole time.”

“Oh really? You didn’t seem so distracted…” Even teased him.

“That’s because I, for one, can suffer in silence.”

Even laughed, his head falling back on the pillow, “You were absolutely anything but quiet Isak.” he said, a smug grin on his face.

“Fuck off…” Isak shoved his shoulder playfully but followed Even willingly when he grabbed him and flipped them over until Isak was lying on his chest.

“You’re right, I’m sorry” Even smiled caressing Isak’s body, “Next time I’ll make sure to add an extra pillow under that delicate back of yours.”

Isak looked at him, his eyebrows raised and Even felt his body tense just a little bit. Did he get carried away when Isak only wanted this to be another one time thing? He still didn’t know what this was to Isak, any resolution he had to discuss things with him had been forgotten the moment he saw him, the instant he got to touch him.

Isak seemed to sense his unease and leaned back down to kiss him, pressing Even under the comforting weight of his body.

“You do that…” he mumbled between kisses.

Their chuckles died down quickly, turning back into languid moans as their kisses got deeper. It didn’t take a minute before they were fully hard again and Even thought next time could actually come sooner than he’d hoped.

But they were suddenly startled by the sound of a phone ringing in the room.

Isak jumped out of the bed, Even instantly aching for the touch of his body and the warmth of his skin against his. He sat up in the bed and watched Isak rummage through the clothes scattered on the floor until he found his pants and retrieved the phone out of one of the pockets before turning it off.

“Fuck…” Isak sighed.

“What is it?”

“Just a reminder…” Isak seemed to hesitate, not knowing how to continue, before he just said, “Jonas should be here soon.”

“Oh, right.” Even felt like he had just sobered up, suddenly realising how much time had probably passed, remembering that he and Isak were actually not the only people in the world and that his life waited for him outside of this apartment, “Right… I should um, go.”

“Yeah…”

They awkwardly fumbled for their clothes mixed together on the floor and got dressed before Isak walked Even to the front door. 

Just like the last time they parted, Isak fixed Even’s dishevelled hair in a gesture of tenderness that went right through Even’s heart like an arrow.

“Better?” he asked.

Isak hummed with a smile, “Better.”

“So um…” Isak bit his bottom lips, his cheeks getting a little bit flushed, “if I remember correctly, I think you mentioned a next time?”

Even let out a laugh maybe mixed with a sigh of relief, “I did”, he answered, his beaming smile soon pressed against Isak’s lips, “tomorrow?”

Isak nodded enthusiastically before pulling Even against him for another kiss.

“Tomorrow.”

*

Even got home to a still empty apartment.

He went to the bathroom and hopped into the shower. He stood still under the shower head, letting the scolding water wash away all traces of his afternoon with Isak from his body. He welcomed the burning sensation, gradually replacing the feeling of Isak’s hands and lips that were still everywhere on his skin.

Even then cooked dinner. He needed to busy himself before Sonja would arrive, to try focusing his mind on anything else than Isak but at every attempt, all of his thoughts always and inevitably returned to him.

Sonja got home, pleasantly surprised to find dinner ready on the table. They ate while she told him about her day, like every other evening. She asked him about his own and Even stayed as evasive as he could. However ironic and hypocritical as it was, Even just didn’t want to lie to her even more than he already was, to invent scenarios and little dialogues in his head and then tell her the story of his fictional day.

But he also didn’t want to taint the souvenir of his time with Isak for himself.

So he responded with short, vagues phrases before asking Sonja more questions and nodded as she spoke.

If Even was distant that night, Sonja didn’t seem to notice anyway.

After all, it wasn’t that different from what their evenings had been like for the past year, even more than that if Even was really honest. They didn’t really listen to each other, didn’t find the same interest in the other as they used to. It was all very automatic, very common. And compared to the heated arguments and days spent in silence and resentment those last few weeks, this could actually even count as a pretty good night. Even had to prevent letting out a bitter laugh at that thought.

After dinner, Even opened his laptop and proceeded to clear his entire schedule for the next couple of weeks. He was still in the writing stage of his next movie, he only had a few meetings he managed to postpone but otherwise, he was free to organise his time as he wished. So he made sure he would be able to meet Isak whenever he wanted to, from tomorrow to the day he was to fly back to the States.

Later, when Sonja joined him in bed, Even closed his eyes and mumbled an almost inaudible  _ goodnight _ , pretending to be already half asleep. Not that he was really concerned she’d want to touch him anyway, they hadn’t had sex in a long while and neither of them seemed to be willing to take that step towards the other, but he didn’t want to take that chance.

Sonja pressed a quick kiss on his head and laid in the bed where they eventually fell asleep back-to-back.

*

The next time Even met Isak at Jonas’ apartment went by in the same bliss.

There was no timidity, no awkwardness between them anymore so when Isak opened the door that time, they crashed into each other instantly and kissed passionately, chests heaving up and down rapidly as if they had been lacking oxygen until that moment.

They hurried to the guest room, tumbling through the apartment and banging against pieces of furniture because they just couldn’t stop kissing, couldn’t keep their hands off of each other.

They fucked on the sofa bed again, the uncomfortable mattress and loose spring quickly forgotten and shared a joint afterwards, Isak lying with his back against Even’s chest. After passing the joint back and forth, Isak tilted his head up towards Even who took a deep drag and blew the smoke directly between his lips before kissing him again in a swirl of thick smoke and hungry tongues.

They spent hours talking, Even told Isak about the next movie he was writing and teased Isak about his poor taste in films, Isak told him about his life in the US, the weird things he sometimes missed about Norway and Even could feel how careful he was, never mentioning  _ him _ , the man who was waiting for him there. They laughed at embarrassing stories they told each other about Yousef, Sana and their other friends.

_ “What?! A cat tongue, are you serious?” _

_ “That’s what he said… I told you, he’s a weirdo, hasn't changed since high school.” _

They created a little bubble for themselves, safe, happy, away from everything and everyone else.

But that bubble was burst like the day before by the ringing tone of the alarm blasting from Isak’s phone. Isak grabbed it and turned the alarm off as quickly as he could but the charm was broken, both of them woken up by the painful realisation that they had to hurry and part before Jonas would come home from work.

They met again the next day, and the day after that and the one after that and each time, it went on the same way. As soon as they stepped in the guest bedroom, Even saw Isak’s phone lying on the desk or the small nightstand, a reminder that their time was limited, that he would need to leave, that nobody could know what they were doing and that he shouldn’t even be there in the first place.

So one day, when the alarm went off yet again, Even stormed out of the bed and started to pick up his clothes angrily, putting them back on in a hurry.

“What’s going on?” asked Isak, seeming a little bit stunned by the abrupt way Even left their embrace.

“I can’t stand this anymore Isak.” Even finally looked back at him and saw how his words had made all colors drain from Isak’s face.

“Wh… what are you talking about?”

“This!” Even pointed to the phone that was still in Isak’s hand, “I can’t stand that fucking thing shouting that our time is over and that I need to fuck off! Sometimes I think I continue to hear it after I’ve left, it follows me on my way home telling me that what we did is wrong, dirty… and I don’t want to feel that way, I don’t…”

“Hey,” Isak had gotten up from the bed and joined Even in the middle of the room, cradling his face with his hand to make Even look at him, “don’t say that… I’m sorry, I would never want you to feel like that.”

Isak leaned in to press a small kiss on his lips but Even didn’t return it, “No?” he asked instead, “why did you leave then?”

There it was.

The question that had been obsessing Even for a year and that had been even more pressing since they saw each other again a few days before. He had never intended to ask it this way but he had been unable to help it.

Why did Isak leave this way? What had their first night really meant to him and what were they doing right now? It was eating Even up inside, when they were lying next to each other, limbs tangled up in each other, when he traced Isak’s strong jaw with his fingertips or covered his skin with kisses and wondered if Isak was also feeling like his heart was threatening to burst with a feeling he had more and more difficulties to ignore. 

“What are you talking about?” Isak said again, but Even could see in his eyes that he knew exactly what he was referring to.

“Why did you leave like that that day? Without a word, a goodbye, why did you leave me behind alone to deal with what we had done like it was something to be ashamed of? Why did you…”

“Because it was too fucking difficult Even!” Isak said with an intensity that left Even speechless, “Because I’d never felt something like what I felt for you that night and it freaked the hell out of me! Because I didn't trust myself not to  _ really  _ throw everything away and hop on the first plane to fucking Buenos Aires, or Bali or..."

"Kathmandu?"

"Yeah..." Isak finally said, suddenly looking so small, almost beaten.

So Even took another step and enveloped Isak in his arms, pulling him against his body until he could bury his face in Even’s neck.

“I’ve never felt anything like this either.” Even murmured as he pressed soft kisses against Isak’s temple.

“What are we gonna do?” Isak asked in a shaky breath. “I’ll leave you again soon…”

“Hey,” Even cupped Isak’s face, shushing him as he left gentle kisses on his cheeks and his lips, “let’s not think about that just yet... Right now you’re here and it’s all that matters. So, how about we take this one day at a time, okay?”

“Okay...”

“Maybe we could meet somewhere else tomorrow? Somewhere discreet but still, get out of this flat? What do you say?”

“Yeah, I’d like that” Isak smiled, “where?”

“I’ll text you later, now I really should be going…” Even said, then kissed away the little pout that had formed on Isak’s lips.

*

The next day, Even messaged Isak to meet him in a small, old cinema. During the day and the middle of the week, he knew the place would be far from crowded, and in the years he’d been there he never ran into anybody he knew anyway. He always had to drag Sonja or his friends who prefered modern theaters where they could enjoy a bucket of popcorn and watch blockbusters on a huge screen.

He found Isak already seated, waiting for him on the last row at the back of the screening room.

“Have you just tricked me into seeing one of those pretentious artsy movies you like to blabber about all the time with you?” Isak asked falsely exasperated as Even plopped down on the seat next to him.

“Maybe I have.” Even chuckled, gaining one of Isak’s eyerolls in return.

“Hi” he then whispered, facing Isak just a few centimeters away.

“Will you not kiss me hello?” Isak asked, a small daring smile on his lips.

“I was waiting for the lights to go out…”

Isak threw a quick glance at the room, “There’s almost nobody here.”

So Even leaned in and kissed him, his hand quickly finding the soft curls at the nape of his neck, pulling Isak a little closer and deepening their kiss until he felt Isak was a little bit breathless.

“Hello.” Even smiled.

“Hi…”

When the movie began, Even couldn’t tear his eyes away from Isak, mesmerized by the light of the screen reflecting in his eyes, highlighting the sharp lines of his face.

“What are you doing?” Isak whispered, turning his head towards him. 

“Admiring you.”

Isak scoffed and shook his head at him but Even in the darkness of the room, Even could see the light flush on his cheeks.

“Just look at the screen, you’re missing half of the movie”

“I don’t care” Even shrugged, “I’ve already seen it twice anyway…”

“So you’ve tricked me into seeing a pretentious artsy movie you already knew so you could watch me instead?”

“Exactly, you’re so smart.”

“And you’re a bit of a creep. But you’re pretty so I guess I’ll let it slide for now…”

“Shhhhhh!!” they were startled by someone a few rows before who apparently found they were not being as discreet as they thought.

Isak shifted on his seat and leaned in to kiss Even, getting as close as he could despite the armrest between them.

“What are you doing?” Even chuckled against his lips.

“Shutting you up, you can just tell me how it ends later.”

They spent the rest of the movie kissing in the dark, whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears when the film’s score got loud enough so that they wouldn’t get scolded again, holding onto each other as best as they could in this weird position.

They didn’t even notice the movie had ended until the lights went back on again, both of them blinking and chuckling awkwardly like two teenagers caught in the act.

His eyes landing on Isak's red and puffy lips, Even wanted nothing more than to lean back in and kiss him again and again. But if he knew they had to go back to the reality of the outside world, Even wasn't ready to say goodbye to Isak just yet.

"I think we still have a bit of time… do you want to maybe grab a bite or something? We can find somewhere quiet or just buy something and go back to Jonas'?" Even rambled.

"What?" he then asked when Isak just looked at him with a fond smile on his lips.

"This is beginning to sound dangerously like a date you know."

"So be it." Even shrugged, then pressed a last quick kiss on Isak's lips before they got up to leave the theater.

When they got back outside, they walked side by side, far enough to be appropriate, but Even could still feel his entire body buzzing just by being close to Isak. As frustrating as it was, not being able to touch him like he'd want to, he also reveled in the simplicity of having a walk together, Isak laughing at his poor attempt at explaining the rest of the movie to him.

"But, that doesn't make any sense!"

"That's because you missed the most important scene of the film…"

"Oh yeah? And whose fault was that?!"

"Oi, Even!" He was ready to come back but was interrupted in their banter by a familiar voice calling him.

"Mikael, hi!" he exclaimed, startled as he gave his friend a quick hug.

"Um, this is my best friend Mikael" he said, turning back to Isak, "Mikael this is Isak, he's a friend of Sana. We met at the engagement party, and now we just um…"

"Ran into each other." Isak completed, putting an end to his rambling.

"Right."

"Okay…" Mikael frowned slightly at his friend's weird agitation, "nice to meet you, Isak."

"You too." Isak smiled, shaking Mikael's hand.

“What are you doing right now?” Mikael asked Even, “wanna have a drink?”

“Um, nothing…” Even threw a quick glance at Isak, “yeah, sure, let’s do that.” he smiled, hoping he was doing a good job at hiding how fucking frustrated he really was that Mikael unknowingly put an end to his time with Isak. To their… date?

“Isak, do you…”

“Oh no, it’s alright, thanks.” Isak cut Mikael off, “I have somewhere to be but, another time maybe?” he continued, turning his eyes to Even.

“Sure, it was nice seeing you.” Even gave him a small sorry smile.

“Yeah you too.”

They just stood in front of each other for a moment, as if they had suddenly forgotten what the custom was when parting from a relative stranger, before they opted for an awkward hug that probably lasted just a second too long.

When Isak walked away, Even turned back to Mikael who was looking at him, a puzzled look in his eyes, “How do you know him again?”

“I don’t. Told you we just met at Yousef’s party, well technically on a plane before that and we just um, ran into each other just before we met you.”

“Okay…” Mikael shrugged and eventually changed the subject to Even’s relief.

*

After that day, they decided that their little outing may have been a bit reckless and continued to meet at Jonas’ like they used to.

“I don’t think I could have stood seeing you again without being able to touch you anyway.” Even panted against Isak’s lips as he struggled to unbuckle his belt.

“What about my brilliant conversation? Is  _ that  _ all I am to you?” Isak gestured at his already half nacked body.

“Surely you must have realized that by now…”

“Fuck off…”

*

“I wasn’t supposed to come back here last week.” Isak said pensively a while later, handing the joint they were smoking back to Even who was staring at the smoke curling up to the ceiling.

“No?” he asked, turning his body towards Isak to look at him.

Isak shook his head against the pillow.

“I had promised Sana I’d be here for the wedding but I didn’t think I could afford taking time off from work for their engagement party… So, yeah I had planned to come back next summer,  _ we  _ had. David and I.”

“Oh.”

The room felt suddenly too small, crowded by the presence of two other persons they had done their best not acknowledging when they were together until now. But they were done pretending.

“But, things have been a bit… tensed, lately so, I think I needed to come home for a while. Alone.”

_ Home _ .

Even felt the word resonating in his chest.

“Have you two been fighting?” he asked.

“No, not really…” Isak shrugged, “I’ve just had a little bit more trouble adjusting than I thought. And David has been so patient from the start, I mean, he knew what it’s like to move to another country so far away from everything and everyone you know… But it hasn’t really gotten easier with time and he’s been beginning to think that I didn’t even want to move there in the first place. So yeah, it’s been… complicated.” he sighed.

“We have been… fighting a lot, I mean. Sonja and I.”

“You have?”

Even hummed pensively.

“We’ve been together for so long that I sometimes feel like she knows me better than I know myself and it actually was a comforting thought for a long time. I needed that, but lately it’s become… suffocating. I feel like she wants to have control of how I feel and I can’t stand it anymore you know?”

Isak lifted his hand and ran it along Even’s cheek, his neck, boring his green eyes into his before whispering, “Only you can feel what you feel.”

“Yeah…” Even sighed, “but the thing is I can’t always trust how I feel.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m... bipolar.”

Even waited for Isak’s reaction. He had seen so many over the years, the shock, the confusion, the retreats and maybe the worst of all, the pity, sad eyes accompanied by a supposedly comforting “I’m so sorry…”.

But to Even’s wonder, Isak did none of that. He only looked at him more intently, stroked his skin with even more care and shifted just a tiny bit closer to him.

“And how do you feel now?” he whispered.

“Happier than I’ve ever been, scared out of my fucking mind.” Even chuckled.

“Me too.” Isak said, curling up against Even’s chest.

"This isn’t not gonna make things any easier, right?"

"No, I don't think so…"

They held onto each other, skin against skin, kissing slowly as if they had all the time in the world.

But they were suddenly snapped out of their bliss by the sound of the door opening and being shut close again.

“Isak?” a voice called from the entrance of the flat.

“Fuck!!” they both jumped out of bed, frantically picking up their clothes and putting them back on.

Isak had stopped setting up an alarm to make sure Even would leave before Jonas got home and they had been careful, always keeping an eye on the time but today, somewhere between deep kisses and murmured confessions, they had let their guards down, lost themselves into each other and forgot about everything else.

They met Jonas in the living room, Even saw how Isak’s clothes were all crumpled and he knew his hair looked probably like a mess. Jonas took in the sight of them with wide eyes, his bushy eyebrows raised.

“Um… hi?” he said looking between the two of them.

Isak cleared his throat, buying just a little bit of time before he said, “Um Jonas… this is Even, he’s a friend of Yousef’s. Maybe you’ve met him at Sana’s the other day?”

“I don’t think I have no…” Jonas frowned, “what’s going on?”

“Mmh? Nothing, Even was just…”

“Leaving, I was just leaving.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“So um… see you around?” Even waived awkwardly at Isak who nodded back, before heading out of the flat, feeling Jonas' heavy look on his back until he had closed the door behind him.

Even leaned against the wall of the corridor and let his head fall behind.

_ Fuck… _

*

"Where the hell were you?" Sonja jumped at him the moment Even crossed their threshold.

"Wh… what?" Even stuttered taken aback. Sure, he didn't tell her he'd be out but it wasn't even that late.

"We were supposed to meet for a drink with Liv and Erik, I tried to call you like four times!" she shouted.

"Shit Sonja, I'm sorry…" he sighed, looking at his phone to find the notifications of her missed calls, "I didn't look at my phone and I just… forgot."

"You just forgot? For fuck's sake Even, do you realize how stupid I've looked being stood up like that?"

"Sonja, listen…"

"No. You know what? I don't even wanna hear what you have to say, I'm not interested in any poor excuses for why you couldn't make an effort just for one fucking night! I don't even want to look at you right now…"

"Fine, you won't have to." Even turned around and headed back outside their, "I'll be at Mikael's."

Sonja didn't answer and just swung the door shut behind him.

Even sighed, holding his head between his hands and although he'd just left his wife after a fight, his first thoughts went directly to Isak. He wondered what he told Jonas, how things went and how he felt after his friend practically walked in on them. He just wanted to hold him, tell him everything would be fine and hear Isak whisper the same words to him.

*

“Coming to your bestie after a fight with Sonja? Damn it feels like the good old days…” Mikael smirked when Even got to his flat.

“What happened?” he asked, seeming a bit worried when Even didn’t answer his teasing and just let himself fall heavily on his couch.

“Nothing really… well I forgot we were supposed to meet some of her friends for drinks tonight.”

“You stood her up?” Mikael almost shrieked, “shit, man…”

“Yeah, yeah I know, alright?” Even groaned, sunking even deeper on the couch.

“Come on, why do you look so beaten?” Mikael asked sitting next to him, “I mean knowing Sonja, she must have been really pissed, but it can’t be that bad? You two will get over it as usual…”

“I’m not so sure about that… not this time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was…” Even paused before taking a deep breath, “I was with someone else.”

“You... what?”

“Come on Mik, you heard me” Even scoffed, “I’ve been seeing someone else, alright?”

“Fuck…” Mikael breathed out, “does she know?”

“No.” Even shook his head.

“Okay…” Mikael said, taking it what his friend just told him, “Is it… serious? How long has it been going on?”

“One week, one year? I don’t know…” Even turned his head back towards Mikael and saw the puzzled look in his eyes, “it’s a long story.”

Mikael hummed, then seemed to hesitate before he asked, “Is it… that guy you were with the other day? Sana’s friend?”

“Isak.” Even said softly, “yeah… how did you know?”

“Well, there was a weird vibe between you two… I didn’t know what to make of it at that moment but now that I think about it again… You had that look on your face.”

“What look?”

“I dunno, all giddy and excited… like, just now when you’ve said his name, I mean…” Mikael cocked one of his eyebrows.

“Fuck…” Even groaned, covering his face with his hand to hide the blush he felt was creeping on his cheeks.

“You really like him, right?” Mikael stated more than he asked.

“Yeah… and I really don’t know what to do.” Even let his hand fall back on his lap.

“You’ll figure it out.” Mikal smiled, pressing Even’s shoulder softly, “but whatever happens I’m here for you, okay?”

“I know, thanks Mik.”

*

As soon as Mikael had retrieved into his room that night, Even called Isak. Even after talking with his best friend the entire evening and feeling like a ton had been lifted from his shoulder, he knew his mind wouldn’t find peace until he’d heard his voice.

“Hi.” Isak murmured after a few ringtones.

“Hey…”

He heard the ruffled sound of Isak sliding back between the sheets of the sofa bed and felt his heart clench with the desire to be with him, to hold Isak against him on that awful mattress.

“How did it go with Jonas?” he asked.

“Well, I couldn’t exactly serve him the –  _ it’s not what it looks like –  _ excuse, so…”

“Right.” Even chuckled.

“But um… pretty intense I guess?”

“Was he mad?”

“No, not really… Althought he did gave me a fucking moral philosophy lecture. But no, he’s more concerned you know? He’s… quite protective of me, Jonas.”

“Well, that’s nice.”

“Yeah, I guess…”

“Do you remember Mikael?” Even asked.

“Your best friend? Yeah of course, what about him?”

“He um…” Even hesitated, “he knows too.”

“Oh.”

After a silent pause, Even continued, “When I got home, Sonja and I got into another fight so I went to his place and we talked… I didn’t plan to tell him about you really, but he kind of figured it out himself.”

“He did? How? He saw me like two seconds…”

“Well, apparently you make me giddy… his words.”

Even heard Isak snort on the other side of the line and could just imagine the “ _ you’re completely ridiculous” _ look he would have certainly given him.

“I’m sorry for telling him, I just… needed to talk and I trust him.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry…” Isak reassured him, then after a pause “Doesn’t it feel weird?”

“What?”

“Other people knowing about  _ this  _ – you and me.” 

“Yeah, I guess it does…”

“I um…” Isak sighed, “I should go to sleep, I have some packing to do tomorrow so…”

“Oh. Yeah, of course.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Isak asked, his voice cracking almost imperceptibly.

“Yes, tomorrow. Goodnight Isak.”

“Goodnight.”

Even didn’t sleep a wink that night, the realisation that the next day was his last with Isak weighing on him, not letting him rest for a moment.

When the first rays of sunshine came through the window, Even knew what he had to do.

He may lose absolutely everything he had that day, but he had no other choice.

*

Even took a deep breath before unlocking the door of their apartment. When he got inside, he inhaled the smell of fresh coffee and headed to the kitchen where he found Sonja, reading the newspaper, a steaming cup next to her like any other saturday morning.

She looked up when she heard Even come in and frowned.

“What are you doing back here already?” she asked curtly, “do you need something?”

“Yes, Sonja. I need to talk to you.”

*

Even left their flat a few hours later, feeling exhausted, completely drained.

When he had sat in front of her to talk, Sonja had looked at him with some sort of defiance, like she was ready to hear anything he had to say. But when he saw her face fall the moment he told her there had been someone else, he knew she expected absolutely anything but this.

“You’re fucking someone else?” she spat, her face contorted in anger.

“No, I mean yes but… it’s not about that I… I fell in love with him.”

It was the first time he said it, confessed it.

He had never said those words before, not to Isak, not even to himself but as they escaped his lips, he knew he had never been that sure of anything, ever. And now, he longed for one thing and one thing only, to run to Isak and repeat those words again and again and again until there wasn’t a single breath of air in his lungs.

*

As soon as he left their apartment building, Even ran as fast as he could to Isak who was waiting for him at Jonas’.

When he opened the door, Isak didn’t even let him enough time to say hello before he grabbed his jean jacket and pulled him inside the apartment, pinning Even against the nearest wall to kiss him urgently.

“What took you so long? I thought you weren’t coming…” Isak panted against his skin.

“I’m here… I’m here, hey slow down.”

“No. I’m leaving tomorrow and I’m not wasting another fucking minute.” Isak said firmly as he tried to pull Even’s jacket off with shaky hands.

“Stop, Isak, baby look at me.” Even took Isak’s face between his hands and saw how the small term of endearment had shaken him, stopping his movement in an instant.

“There’s something I need to tell you.” Even said, “I um… I told Sonja about us. It’s over, we’re over her and I.”

When Isak didn’t say anything, looking at him with wide eyes, Even continued, “What do you think about that?”

This was the moment he had been dreading the most since he made the decision to tell Sonja the truth and end their marriage the night before. This was the moment he felt like he could lose it all, the moment his heart could get broken beyond repair.

“I just… I just hope you're not sad or that your marriage ended because of me." Isak stuttered.

"I'm not sad!" Even smiled, pulling Isak's face against his for a tender kiss.

"No?" he asked, almost sheepishly.

“No! And none of this is your fault. Sonja and I… it just didn’t work anymore, hadn’t for a while.”

“But you…” Even trailed off, his eyes roaming Isak’s beaming face before he leaned in and kissed him again, needing all the strength he could get for what he was about to say next.

“Stay.” he whispered against Isak’s lips before leaning back and looking deep into his eyes, “Will you stay with me?”

“Yes… yes!”

They held onto each other, kissing, laughing and even shedding a few tears before Isak finally managed to get Even out of his damn jean jacket and dragged him to the guest bedroom.

*

They didn’t need to hide anymore but Even still left before Jonas was supposed to come home and take Isak for a night out with their friends before what was supposed to be his last day in Oslo.

Isak would talk to Jonas the next day and make the necessary arrangements to stay just a few more days. But then, he would inevitably have to fly back to the US where there was still a job waiting for him, and another man who didn’t know yet that he was about to have his heart broken.

The idea of having to put thousands of kilometers between him and Isak made Even feel dizzy but this time he knew it would only be temporary.

Isak would come back. And this time, he would stay.

*

Even knocked on the door of Jonas' apartment the next day feeling his heart racing, his lips trembling, ready to say the words he had been aching to tell Isak as soon as he would see him. He never thought it was possible to be this happy, so ridiculously in love.

But when the door swung open, it wasn’t Isak he found, standing in the entrance of the apartment.

“Jonas? Hi.” He stuttered, taken aback, “Is um… is Isak here?”

“No.” Jonas answered, “he’s gone.”

“What?!” Even blurted out, “What do you mean, gone? Where?”

“Home, in New-York.”

_ Home _ .

Even received the word like a punch in the gut. Home was supposed to be here, with him, not in fucking New-York. He wanted to scream, to ask Jonas why he would invent such a lie when Isak had promised him he would stay just hours before in the exact same place where they were standing now.

But he didn’t need to.

“I’m sorry Even, I really have nothing against you… But I couldn’t let Isak throw everything away like that.”

“ _ You _ persuaded him to leave? Why?!”

"Listen, what you and Isak were doing is really not of my business but Isak's well being is. He's been my best friend for longer than I can even remember… and I won't let anything or anybody hurt him." Jonas said, determined.

"And you think I would?" Even asked accusingly, "never, I could never."

"I talked with Yousef and Sana... about you."

"You told them?!"

"Not about you and Isak, of course not!" Jonas protested, "but I ran into them a few days ago and we talked about the party and everything… so I asked them a bit about you, and your wife. They told me how you've been on and off for years before you two got married, how you always got back to each other whatever happened or how long you've been broken up and I couldn’t risk Isak abandon everything, to feel like a homewrecker for you to eventually leave him when you’d have enough…”

“That wouldn’t have happened… this is different, Jonas. I…”

“I’m sure you really do like Isak.” Jonas cut him off, “I’m not saying you would want to hurt him deliberately, but he’s been through enough, been done wrong enough. I couldn’t take that chance.”

“I’m sorry, Even.” Jonas finally said before shutting the door closed again.

This couldn’t be happening. Even felt like everything was crumbling down around him, like he couldn’t breathe.

He felt his phone buzzing in his pocket and felt his heart jump when he saw a notification from Isak, only to be shattered into a thousand pieces just a second later when he read his message.

_ I’m sorry. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooops, sorry.... Please don't hate me, or Jonas. I promise you one of us is going to try and makes things better in the last chapter!
> 
> Thank you so much for still being here, reading this story (or if you've just arrived, welcome!)  
> I feel like this chapter is maybe a little bit all over the place, but I really enjoyed writing it a lot, so I hope you liked reading it too, and that it was worth the wait.
> 
> I’m on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) and [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/), come say hello !  
> Much Love  
> L.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> Sorry it has been a while, again. You know, sometimes life kind of gets in the way.  
> But here we are, the end of that journey... I hope you'll like it!

_He’s gone._

_Home, in New-York_.

Jonas’ voice continued to resonate in Even’s head, his words like a dagger in his heart.

Even managed to get out of the building but his knees hit the pavement as soon as he stepped out in the street. He heard his blood rushing to his ears, he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even find the strength to stand back up.

_He’s gone._

_He’s gone._

Even took his phone out of his pocket and dialed Isak’s number, ready to ask him to stay, to beg him not to leave.

But Isak had already turned it off and Even’s call went right to his voicemail. He listened to the short greeting, and almost didn’t recognize Isak as he talked in English, inviting his caller to leave a message. His voice sounded so strange, so foreign, it felt like hearing a completely different person. Someone who lived on the other side of an immense ocean, someone who had a boyfriend named David, someone who didn’t choose Even, someone who left.

Even hung up before the beep, he couldn’t leave Isak a message and ask him to stay, not like that, not to this man whose voice he didn’t even recognize.

_He’s gone._

Despite his blurry vision and shaky hands, Even managed to make another call.

“Mikael…” he let out in a shaky breath when his friend answered the phone.

“Even? What’s wrong?” Mikael asked, instantly alarmed by the sorrow in Even’s voice.

“He left… Mikael he’s gone.” Even said fighting the sobs that were threatening to burst out of his chest.

“What? Oh fuck... where are you? Tell me where you are buddy I’m coming to get you.”

Even managed to will his legs into supporting him just enough to walk a few blocks away and sit down on a bench. The last thing he needed was for Jonas to go out of his apartment building and find him there with his heart shattered on the pavement for anybody to walk on.

Even waited for what seemed like hours when it must have taken Mikael no more than 20 minutes to drive to where he was waiting for him. Mikael got out of his car and sat down next to Even. He pulled him into a side hug, Even letting his head fall on Mikael’s shoulder.

“Come on.” Mikal said softly, “let me take you home.”

 _Home_. Even knew his friend meant his own home, the one he was welcome in as long as he needed, something he was immensely grateful for. But the truth was, he didn’t have a home anymore. He had broken the one he was supposed to build with Sonja but was compromised from the start, and let go of the man whose arms really felt like home.

As Mikael was driving them back to his apartment, Even told him what had happened, his voice threatening to break between each word. He told him how he had left his place first thing that morning to go find Isak who had told him he would stay here with him, how he was ready to tell Isak that he loved him, his heart full of the absolute certainty that Isak loved him back. He told Mikael how his hopes had been shattered the moment he saw Jonas behind the apartment's door, and then completely crushed when Jonas told him Isak was gone. Even sensed how Mikael was fuming beside him when he told him how Jonas admitted he persuaded Isak to go, not to throw away his life in New-York with his boyfriend for someone who he thought would abandon him in the end to go back to his wife.

“He did what?!” Mikael all but shouted, “that fucker I swear to God I’m gonna go back there and punch him in the face!”

“Please don’t do that…" Even pleaded, because even if he knew Mikael was the farthest thing from violent, at that moment he wasn't sure how much his friend really meant what he'd just said, "I don’t think he meant harm really, he just...” 

“Are you seriously defending him, after what he did to you?” Mikael all but shouted.

“I don’t…” Even sighed.

He was mad at Jonas, of course he was. He had stripped the man he loved away from him, destroyed his chance at happiness with Isak, the one they had to fight so hard for. But then, he had also seen just how much Jonas loved Isak, how he would be willing to do anything to protect him, just like Mikael would for him.

Even calmed his inner thoughts and looked at his friends with a sad, but fond smile.

“What?” Mikael asked, looking back-and-forth between Even and the road before them, when he realised Even was observing him

“Nothing, I was just thinking that you two would probably get along actually, you know, in... another universe.”

“Another universe?” Mikael huffed out a laugh, “since when are you into parallel universes?”

_in another universe, we’re hopping on a plane to Buenos Aires, or Bali, or Kathmandu…_

Isak had written that on the note he left Even a year before, the little piece of paper still safely folded inside his wallet. But the truth was, Even wasn’t interested in any other parallel universe where he and Isak might be together and where Mikael and Jonas were the best friends in the world.

He wanted Isak in this universe.

Right here, right now.

“Fuck, I’m such an idiot!” he blurted out.

“Huh?”

“What the fuck am I doing? I have to go find him, I can’t just let him leave like that… Mik, I have to get to the airport!”

“Running to the freakin’ airport to stop the man you love from leaving? That’s some big cliché romantic comedy shit right there!” Mikael beamed while he parked and got out of the car, “here, take the car, I can walk home from here.”

“Thank you Mik, I love you!” Even said, wrapping his friend in a tight hug.

“Yeah, yeah, keep that sweet talk for Isak. Now, hurry and go get your man you idiot!”

Even got behind the wheel and drove off as fast as he could, smiling as he saw Mikael making big gestures of encouragement through the rear-view mirror.

He had a 40 minutes drive to the airport, he could make it.

He could make it.

Even tried to fight his urge to drive too fast or to scream each time he had to stop at yet another traffic light, feeling like the universe was mocking him again and turning them all red on his way. 

He arrived at the airport feeling his heart threatening to burst in his chest, and had never been so grateful for his long legs when he ran as fast as he could to get to the departure hall. Even stopped in front of the big screen where all the next flights were announced, looking for the next plane to New-York.

**Status : boarding.**

_Fuck!_

_Fuck, fuck, fuck…_

He didn’t make it.

What should he do? What was the next step in all those “big cliché romantic comedies” Mikael always made fun of him for watching? Buy the cheapest ticket for whatever destination just to go through security? There were so many people already waiting in line, he’d never have time before Isak’s flight took off... Force his way through it then, like in _Love, actually_? No, the kid in that movie was something like 12 years old, if Even did that he’d probably end up in jail… 

Even tried to call Isak one last time, maybe he’d turned his phone on again, maybe he would be able to talk to him, to persuade him to stay. But yet again, Even was immediately sent to voicemail and he hung up as soon as he heard Isak’s odd american voice.

Even was standing immobile in the middle of the departure hall. It had all started in an airport, so it was only fitting that he would end up here, Even thought and huffed out a bitter laugh. This was probably some kind of fucking karma coming full circle to punish him in the end.

_“Last call for passenger Isak Valtersen, on flight DY6294 to New-York please proceed to security immediately.”_

Even froze on his spot when he heard the announcement coming from a loudspeaker. Surely he had heard it wrong, it was another name, another city, another flight. This couldn't be.

Except...

 _“I repeat, last call for passenger Isak Valtersen, on flight DY6294 to New-York please proceed to security immediately.”_ the voice said again, a little more firmly.

That meant…

Isak hadn’t boarded yet, he hadn't even gone through security, he was still here somewhere, he was…

“Even?”

He turned around so fast when he heard that voice calling his name that Even felt a little bit dizzy for just a second. Or maybe it was just because of the sight right before his eyes, Isak, a large suitcase next to him, his bright green eyes pleading and filled with tears but still beautiful, so beautiful that Even felt his heart skip a beat just like the very first time he saw him.

Without a word, Even joined Isak in a few long strides. He wrapped him in his arms the moment he reached him and let Isak bury his face in the crook of his neck. They held onto each other until Isak’s ragged breathing had calmed down, then Even leaned back and cradled his face gently between his hands, his eyes boring into Isak’s.

"You didn't go back" he said, gently stroking Isak's cheeks, wiping a tear with his thumb.

_Don't cry my love, please don't cry._

"I didn't go back" Isak whispered back in a small, almost shy smile.

Even couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe that Isak was really there, that he had chosen to stay. He couldn't help wondering if this was really true and not a dream or a figment of his imagination making him believe he was really going to have his romantic comedy happy ending. His brain did betray him so many times before.

“I’m so sorry.” Isak said, his voice cracking.

“No, don’t be, baby it’s okay.” Even said quickly, wanting, needing Isak to know that it didn't matter now that they were together at last.

“No, but Even listen. I really _am_ sorry.” Isak continued, more firmly, “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you, I’m sorry I didn’t trust your own feelings. I told you that only you could feel what you feel and yet I chose to listen to my own fears and doubts instead and left you again.”

"But you're here now... you stayed." Even repeated, still completely dumbfounded. 

He needed to hear it again, to be sure, completely sure that if he was to blink his eyes, Isak would still be here in front of him, that he wouldn't disappear like a mirage he would have come too close to.

"Yes, I want to stay... here, home." Isak said, taking Even's hand in his own, "With you, if you'll still have me."

Even let out a surprised laugh, shaking his head incredulously at the man in front of him.

"If I'll have you?" he asked, closing the distance between them to press his forehead against Isak’s "Of course I'll have you, _my god_ there's nothing in the world I want more."

Isak sighed, as if he was relieved to hear him say that. Even couldn't bear the thought that Isak could have doubted, even for just a second, that he really wanted him in his life, so he cupped Isak's face with the hand that wasn't already entwined in his and leaned down to kiss him. They kissed, slowly and tenderly, until they were so entranced in each other they couldn't even hear what was going on around them anymore, the people coming and going, parents shouting for their children to hurry up, suitcases rolling on the ground, a voice in a loudspeaker announcing a flight delay... they kissed until they could taste the saltiness of tears between their lips, not knowing, not caring who they belonged to.

*

It took them forever to go back to Oslo, they just couldn't stop holding on to each other, touching and kissing each other in the parking lot, then in Mikael's car… Mikael who was the one to bring them back to reality when he sent Even a worried text asking him how he was, where he was and how things went.

"We should probably get going…" Even chuckled, his entire body still twisted to be able to kiss Isak next to him on the passenger seat.

"Yeah, okay let's go." Isak smiled before pulling Even closer for a final kiss, or two, or maybe another few more.

They drove back to Mikael's who welcomed them with the biggest grin and Even could feel just how badly his friend was helping himself from squeezing them both in his arms.

"Isak, it's nice to see you again." Mikael simply said and Even felt his heart swell with how warmly his friend was smiling at the man he loved.

"Yeah, you too." Isak chuckled, thinking back to their weird first encounter.

Even quickly grabbed the stuff he had brought at Mikael's and after saying goodbye to his friend, he and Isak walked hand in hand to the hotel where they'd booked a room for a few days, none of them having a proper home in Oslo anymore, none of them willing to continue to crash at their friends without the other.

"I like Mikael, he's nice." Isak said, squeezing Even's hand a little tighter.

"Yeah, he's the best." Even smiled.

"I'd really like to introduce you to Jonas one of these days, properly I mean.” Isak cleared his throat before adding, “When you two are ready and if you're not too angry with him."

"No, I'm not…" Even reassured him, although he knew he still resented him and would need a little bit of time before they could face each other again, "I know he just wanted to protect you, he loves you."

 _And I love you too_.

*

So, meeting Jonas would have to wait.

Everything and everybody else would have to wait.

Isak was staying in Oslo for just a few more days and they spent every minute of those together, not able, not willing to leave each other’s embrace.

The moment they stepped into their hotel room they crashed into each other, hungry and desperate as if they had been deprived of each other for weeks, months, forever.

Their laughs were mixed with tears of joy, their bodies moving together both with urgency and an incommensurable tenderness. They kissed deep and strong, not stopping for a moment to breathe and yet, Even felt like there finally was air in his lungs again.

Isak couldn’t stop saying his name, again and again as if he needed to know, to make sure that he would not let him go again, holding on to him for dear life. He moaned, and pleaded and begged with nothing but his name on his lips as Even thrust into him, and Even responded with each kiss of his lips and each brush of his tongue, with each touch of his hands, palms caressing his skin, fingers digging into his flesh. 

_I’ve got you. You’re here, you’re mine, I’m yours and I’m never letting go._

They ended up barely leaving their hotel room, only to buy something to eat or have a walk when Even insisted they needed to breathe some fresh air.

"You realise we don't have to hide away anymore?"

"I don't care, come back to bed baby pleeease…."

So they stayed locked away in their little love nest, talking for hours, kissing for hours, fucking for hours, sleeping only when they just couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore. Days and nights got mixed up in a long dream… until the moment Isak had to leave again.

They found themselves at the exact same place they were just a few days before, hugging, kissing, and if they were still dreading to part, this time they didn't shed a tear.

"I wish I didn’t have to go…" Isak whined against Even lips.

"You don't want that lady to have to call you because you're late for your flight again, do you?" Even chuckled, his fingers buried in Isak's hair at the nape of his neck, stroking his jaw softly with his thumb.

"Ugh, fine." Isak picked up his backpack on the floor and gave Even a final slow, ardent kiss before going away. He walked backwards, holding out to Even's hand until the very last moment.

"Come back to me."

"Always."

*

The days that followed Isak's departure were the longest, most excruciating wait Even had ever experienced in his life.

He was not afraid. Even was sure Isak would come back to him, he had not a single doubt about it. 

But now that he knew they really were going to be together for good, he felt Isak's absence even deeper in his bones. And when Isak called him the second he'd landed just to tell Even he missed him, not caring that he was still in a plane full of other passengers who could hear his conversation, Even knew that he was surely feeling the same. 

They talked almost the entire time it took Isak to get from the airport to his apartment in New-York. Isak was afraid to face David again, the man who was still, technically, his boyfriend.

They had fought on the phone a few days before, when Isak had called him to say that he would stay in Oslo for a while longer without really telling him why, and Even had seen how guilty Isak had felt. He had held him in his arms, stroked his hair and kissed his forehead while whispering that everything would be okay. But he knew how difficult it would be, he knew what Isak was going to face when he would eventually go back to David and talk to him. He knew what it was like to have to hold the gaze of the person whose heart you had just broken.

"Call me later?" Even asked before Isak went down the stairs of the subway station.

"Okay..."

After Isak hung up, Even imagined him making his way to his apartment in a crowded train, he imagined him walking from the station to his apartment building and maybe bracing himself before opening the door to his flat.

And then…

What would happen when he would step inside and find David waiting for him there? Even if they had argued the last time they had talked on the phone, David would probably be happy to see Isak again after weeks apart. He would want to kiss him, to hold him and touch him.

Would Isak let him? Would he return his first kisses and caresses before he would find the courage to talk to him? And would he do it right away or wait another day or two?

Just thinking about it all made Even feel sick in his stomach.

He spent hours pacing in Mikael's apartment, ignoring his friend's invitation to have something to eat or just to sit with him and watch a film. He didn't sleep a wink that night, he knew he should get his rest but his mind couldn't be at ease as long as he didn't hear Isak's voice again.

So he waited, he waited and thought his heart would stop when his phone rang, Isak's name appearing on the screen.

"I talked to him, it's... it's over." Isak said, not even waiting for Even to ask him the question.

He sounded exhausted as he told Even about the hours long discussion he had with David, about the tears and the anger, the begging and shouting. He sounded sad, but there was not an ounce of regret in Isak's voice.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just wish you could hold me right now." Isak sighed, his voice almost a whisper.

"Me too."

"I miss you."

"Me too."

A pause.

A breath.

Just a heartbeat.

"I love you."

"I love you too, so much."

*

The next couple of weeks were filled with video and phones calls at every hours of the day or in the middle of the night, with countless texts and pictures just to show the other one what they’re up to, and even with an attempt at phone sex that fail miserably when Mikael knocked on Even’s door to ask him if he was okay with ordering pizza that night.

“I really need to find a new place…” Even groaned, feeling just as frustrated as he was mortified.

“Yeah, I think you do.” Isak said between fits of laughter.

And then, finally, just like he promised he would, Isak came back to Oslo.

To Even, for good.

Even welcomed him in the small apartment he was renting, just for the time Isak needed to look for a new place for himself.

Isak was carrying all his life with him in a couple of suitcases neatly stored in the corner of Even's bedroom. After a few days he began unpacking some of his stuff and let it lying around just because it was more handy, then after a week Even emptied a drawer for him, and after a month the drawer became half a closet.

Even stopped asking Isak if he had seen any interesting property ad.

Isak stopped looking altogether.

Without even realizing it, they were soon both calling this place home and Isak never left.

*

Isak and Even’s life together was filled with new trips, long hours waiting in airports between flights and new milestones big or small, happy or sad in their journey together.

Like Even holding a trembling Isak in his arms when they had to cut their holidays short and rush off back to Oslo after the care home had called him because his mother wasn’t doing well.

Or Isak trying to calm Even when they took a flight to the south of France after his latest film was selected at Cannes’ parallel selection, the Director’s fortnight, repeating to him that he had nothing to be afraid of and that everybody would love him and his film, just as much as he did.

Travelling together sometimes meant arguing and shouting at each other because they had missed a flight or forgot their ID and both blamed the other for having his head in the clouds. But more often these adventures were filled with excitement and kisses shared in boarding rooms and waiting lines, flying above oceans and across mountain ranges, leaving for a new destination none of them had ever been before or returning to the home they were building together in Oslo.

Even still loved to observe people coming and going around them and sketch some anonymous faces that caught his eye, only now, half the pages of his little notebook were filled with drawings of Isak reading a book, sleeping with his head on his backpack serving as a pillow, or smiling at some silly video one of his friends had sent him.

Isak still loved to contemplate the endless possibilities offered by airports, all the turns he could take and the choices he could make and that would change his life forever. Only now, there was a constant in all those parallel universes he liked to picture, and that was that Even was always by his side.

*

So maybe it was bound to happen.

They never talked about it but in the course of one of their trips, they had to stop _there_ , in the airport where they met, for another connexion on their way back to Oslo.

They had looked at several journey options online. This one was not the cheapest, and the connection was not the shortest either, but when they saw the possibility of returning there, they didn't even need to say a word, they just looked at each other and smiled before Isak booked the flight with a few clicks.

A few weeks later, they got off the first plane on their way home and stepped into the place where it all began. The place where they saw each other for the first time, not knowing that the storm rumbling outside paralyzing the entire airport, was about to turn their entire lives upside down.

"I was right... here" Even said, pulling Isak by the hand until they were standing where Even had been waiting in line in front of the airline desk that day, "when I first laid eyes on you. You looked so pissed off and I remember thinking you were just both the hottest and most adorable man I had ever seen."

Isak rolled his eyes playfully but couldn’t hide the lovely blush that colored his cheeks.

"And I was right over there." Isak said, pointing just a little further down the big hall near another desk, “when I first saw you and completely forgot what I was annoyed about because I just couldn’t think straight anymore.”

"Really?! You had seen me before we met at the restaurant?"

"Of course." Isak beamed, "You are ridiculously tall and even more insanely hot, how could I have not noticed you? I thought my heart was going to stop when you talked to me later that night."

"Wow..." Even breathed out, looking at Isak in complete awe, still wondering what he could have done in his life for the universe to allow their paths to cross.

He cupped Isak's face between his hands and kissed him just like he had dreamed to years ago, standing on this exact same spot. But this was better, oh way better than anything he had imagined or fantasized that day.

"Come on, if we're going on that trip down memory lane, there's somewhere else we should go." Isak said, a mischievous smile on his lips, "you hungry?"

"You’re serious?” Even protested when he realised what Isak had in mind, “We don't have enough time before our next flight."

"Yes we do, we have hours before us” Isak answered, “Come on, let's go."

They walked out of the airport to the hotel they had to stay in when they got stuck by the storm, and Even stopped arguing that they would surely miss their flight the moment they stepped inside the hotel's restaurant. Souvenirs of that night suddenly flooded his mind. He remembered hearing a voice talking in Norwegian at the bar and realizing it belonged to the man he had been watching earlier, completely transfixed by his beauty. He remembered how strongly his body reacted to their first touch, to a simple handshake and the look they exchanged that seemed to presage everything that would happen. He remembered Isak's smile when he accepted Even's invitation to join him for dinner. He remembered how they had talked for hours, how it was both simple and exciting how they already had eyes only for each other and didn't even notice everybody around them had eventually left. He remembered this moment when it all shifted, contemplating for a second that they could leave everything behind and just take off, before leaving the restaurant for a night that would transform them forever.

Isak gave his name to the waiter who greeted them, "Of course, follow me." he said, guiding them to a table at the back of the dining hall.

"You planned this?" Even exclaimed.

"Maybe." Isak shrugged with a smirk on his face.

"I can't believe you..." Even chuckled, shaking his head and pressing a quick kiss on Isak's lips before they quickly caught up with the waiter.

They sat at their table and ordered some drinks before they were left them alone. Even took Isak's hand and raised a toast to them being together again in this special place and to his grumpy boyfriend being actually sentimental at heart, to which Isak rolled his eyes at him but still leaned over the table to kiss him after they'd had a sip of their drinks.

After a little while, the waiter came back to their table to ask them if they were ready to order.

"Um... Actually could you give us a moment please?" Isak asked him although they did have time to look at the menu and choose what they wanted to eat.

"What's going on?" Even asked him when Isak turned back towards him looking all nervous.

"Well, um..." Isak said slowly, seeming to be searching for the right words, "since we are here, again... there is something I would like to say to you."

"Okay..." Even said, intrigued by Isak's solemn tone.

"You know, that day, that moment, right there" Isak said, gesturing at the place where they had been seated that night, "it already felt so important even before I knew what was going to happen between us. It was one of the most exciting, most decisive moments of my life, and that night has been one of the most beautiful moments of my life. But it also carries some painful memories, of what we did to people we loved, of me leaving you behind... No, please let me continue." Isak said firmly when Even tried to protest because this had been long forgiven and forgotten, "I wanted us to come back here with nothing to hide, nothing to fear, nothing to be ashamed of, and to make a new memory of this place. But then, I also knew this new memory couldn't be even just half as meaningful as what we had already lived and felt here so..."

Even felt his heart suddenly stammer away and his eyes go impossibly wide as he watched Isak rise from his chair and get down on one knee next to him.

"Isak, what...?" he stuttered, his thoughts suddenly nothing but an incoherent mess.

“Even Bech Næsheim” Isak cut his rambling off, then took a deep breath before reaching for his hand and looking inside his tear filled eyes, “will you marry me?”

“I…” Even was so shocked, so struck both by surprise and an immense feeling of tenderness for the man kneeling in front of him that he couldn’t let the words past his lips.

Isak’s little smug smile revealed just how proud he was to have left Even completely speechless, still, he cocked an eyebrow at him as if to say _Really? You’re gonna leave me hanging here?_

But of course there was not even an ounce of doubt in Even’ mind or in his heart, how could there be? So he let out something between a laugh and a sob and squeezed Isank’s hand a little bit tighter.

“Yes! Of course, of course I will!” he exclaimed, bringing Isak’s hand to his lips “Yes, yes, yes…” he continued to say as Isak began to laugh, revealing the lovely dimples on his cheeks Even loves to kiss so much.

So much that he pulled Isak up by the hand he was holding until he was sitting on his lap where he could wrap his arms around him and kiss him to his heart’s content, Isak squirming and giggling happily in his arms. Everybody in the restaurant was now looking at them, most of them amused or endeared, some of them a bit annoyed or disapproving but they didn’t care, nothing else mattered, nobody else existed at that moment. Nothing was more important than Isak putting a simple silver ring on Even’s finger before entwining their hands together and kissing Even again and again and again until they were both out of breath.

“Do you have any idea how much I want you right now?” Even murmured, his lips ghosting against Isak’s ear.

“Mmh, I might…” Isak said, a playful smile on his lips, “good thing I also got us a room then.”

“You what? But…”

“I changed our flight for tomorrow, we have all the time in the world.” Isak kissed Even, still at loss for words, “So how about we move this upstairs and order room service instead mh?”

“I love you so fucking much…” Even said shaking his head in disbelief.

“Shall I take that as a yes?” Isak grinned.

“Like I could give you any other answer tonight.”

*

Just like that first night, they made their way from the hotel’s restaurant to the elevators together, only this time their hands didn’t need to _accidentally_ brush against the other, no, this time they were firmly entwined together, the feeling of the cold silver ring on Even’s finger an evidence of the promise they had just made each other.

They latched onto each other the moment they stepped into the elevator, not even waiting for the doors to slide shut, not needing anything to protect them from strangers' view. Even pressed Isak between his body and the wall of the elevator just like he had that night, Isak laughing against his lips as he felt around for the button to their floor. Unlike the first time, when reaching his floor had filled Even with dread because he thought it would mean to have to part from Isak, this time they could get there fast enough. And when the elevator stopped, its doors opening on a long corridor, they didn't let go of each other. They kept their arms around each other, lips pressed against the other, hands grabbing everywhere, and moved towards their room in a strange, uncoordinated and frantic dance. They stopped every few steps, pressing against the wall like this one kiss just couldn’t wait, until they finally reached the door of the room Isak had booked for them.

Even blinked and looked around them as if he was just realising where he was, “Wait, is that…?”

“Room 621 yes…” Isak responded with a smug grin on his lips as he opened the door, taking Even’s hand to pull him inside.

“I really can’t believe you…” Even said again as he followed Isak.

The room was simple, white walls and beddings, a classical decoration, almost generic. The people who stayed here were generally just passing by, spending only one night before taking a flight first thing in the morning. They almost never came back, except maybe for some businessmen or people living between two countries. There was no warmth to it but still, Even swore he could feel the tension, the electricity of their first night together still filling the space. Hundreds of travellers must have slept here since then, but somehow, it felt like it was still theirs, only theirs.

“And they say I’m the one being a big romantic…” Even laughed, cupping Isak’s face to press a tender smile on his smiling lips.

“Well, Jonas told me that if I didn’t do something at least _Even “over the top” Bech Næsheim_ to propose to you, he wouldn’t be my best man at our wedding so…”

“Oh I see, so you did all that for Jonas then…” Even said teasingly, leaning back to deny Isak the kiss he was asking, his head tilted up towards Even’s, now with a little pout on his face.

“Well, of course!” Isak rolled his eyes with a grin before pulling Even towards him.

Of course Even followed, unable to keep himself from kissing Isak again, even for the sake of their silly banter. He kissed Isak, his lover, his _fiancé_ , with all the love and passion and tenderness he had in him, desperate to make him know just how much he adored him, how happy he made him. And Isak kissed him back with the same urgency.

“This is perfect, you’re perfect” he told Isak, both of them a little dazed after the kiss they’d just shared “I love you, _gosh_ I love you so much.”

“I love you too…” Isak whispered in a smile, pulling Even for another kiss to try and hide the blush that appeared on his cheeks at his fiancé’s words.

Even played along, caressing Isak’s cheeks softly just to feel how warm and flushed they were, amazed that he could still have this effect on the man in his arms, how they both still had this effect on each other after all this time. He never wanted it to end, and at this moment, he was pretty confident that he it wouldn’t, ever. He was sure that he could never get used to the feeling of Isak’s skin against his or to the sound of his laugh, that he could never get enough of his kisses and embraces, that he would never hear him say _I love you_ back to him, without his entire body shivering. 

He knew he would never undress Isak without feeling his hands slightly trembling in anticipation, just like they were at that moment, his eyes marvelling at every centimeter of skin he was revealing, his mouth watering and his head spinning at the thought that it was all his to love and worship.

He knew everything about Isak’s body by then, knew exactly how he would react to his touch, he knew where to caress, where to lick or to bite to drive Isak crazy or make him completely powerless, he had heard every variation of his moans and whimpers as he pushed into Isak carefully before moving faster and harder until their both cried in ecstasy.

But it always felt just as intoxicating as the very first time.

*

After they had finally come back to their senses and calmed their erratic breathing, Even pulled Isak out of the bed and to the bathroom with him.

"Last time I left you there alone to take a shower, you had disappeared when I came back" he said teasingly to Isak, who was pouting and whining because Even had dragged him out of the warmth and comfort of the bed where they’d been lying moment before, their spent bodies entwined together.

"Are you kidding me Even?” Isak almost shrieked, “I’ve just asked you to spend the rest of our lives together and you think I'm gonna jet now?"

"That's a risk I'm not willing to take…” Even grinned, “Besides, I know that the shower is big enough for two so... it would be a shame not to share it. I mean, if only to save water you know... for the sake of the planet"

"Right…” Isak rolled his eyes, “for the planet."

They laughed as they stumbled in the shower, the steam of the hot water soon enveloping their bodies. They were soon pressed against each other again, deliciously sliding against the other at every movement until Even eventually sunk to his knees, taking Isak between his lips, his cock hard, hot and wet with drops of water and precum mixing in Even’s mouth.

When Isak ran one of his hands in his hair, pulling slightly on strands of his hair dripping with water, Even opened his eyes to look up at him, marveling in the view of his pale torso flushed both by heat and pleasure, heaving with his rapid breathing. He marveled in the view of his lips red and trembling, letting every obscene sound to escape his open mouth without restraint, his head tilted back against the cold tiles of the shower.

No, he could definitely never get used to that view either.

*

They were lying back in the bed, Even on his back, Isak curled up against him with his head lying on his chest, humming softly as Even ran his long fingers through his damp hair.

“Do you remember, that night,” Even said without stopping the movement of his hand, “you wrote to me that you hoped I’d be _so unbelievably happy, in this universe and all the others._ ”

“Yes.” Isak simply said, tilting his head up to let their eyes meet.

“I don’t know about all the other Evens, in all those other universes… but in this one I could never be happy without you.” he whispered.

“Me neither.” Isak said, lifting his hand to caress Even’s cheek, then his neck before pulling him in a slow, tender kiss.

"So…” Isak grinned after they broke their kiss, “what do you think for our honeymoon? Buenos Aires, Bali, Kathmandu?"

"You know I'd go anywhere with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.
> 
> I feel like this was more of a really long epilogue, rather than a final chapter, since the situation at the end of the previous one gets sorted out pretty quickly. I hope this succession of little scenes didn't seem too all over the place (again!) and that you liked the conclusion of this story, going full circle with the oneshot that started it all :)
> 
> Writing this fic has been quite the emotional rollercoaster for me. I never thought I'd write something like the oneshot that then became the first chapter, it was waaaaay out of my comfort zone and sharing it was absolutely terrifying. But in the end, I'm glad I gave myself that challenge (it was actually pretty fun!) and I don't regret sharing it with you all, you really have been nothing but kind and supportive.
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading this story, thank you to those of you who have encouraged me along the way, it has really meant a lot to me and really helped me keep going.
> 
> Please feel free to share your thoughts, I always love to read your reactions and feedback!
> 
> I’m on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) and [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/), come say hello !  
> Much Love  
> L.


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